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Автор книги: Юрий Низовцев

Жанр: Афоризмы и цитаты, Публицистика

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Sneers on a palm or the absurd ridicule

Part I. Fresh pranks

Why all are going to the zoo?

To admire by itself in development.

Why love to caress cats?

For lack of more worthy object.

Whether understands parrot own chatter?

Only partly, but he likes it, and he is not stopping soon.

What special quality of the real housewives are the best?

By their richness – like the bun.

Where to now sit thieves?


Why beggars have such look of suffering?

They always consider that they are given a little.

There is «Manneken Pis» (A pissing boy) in Brussels. And what is at us?

We may piss anywhere.

How the spirit is strengthened not so bad?

By acquisition of boots with foot bindings.

What a stick is good in?

It is possible to force down with its help not only pears.

What do cornered people make?

Japanese – Hara-kiri;

Russian – drunkenness;

American – business;

German – the order;

The Frenchman – champagne;

Englishman – soccer;

Chinese – a kite;

The Hindu – nirvana;

Jew – a sell.

Why the monkeys any more do not turn into people?

They had seen enough on them.

Why in the Russian language, almost all words are borrowed?

Apparently, Russians learned to speak later all.

Whether so really the person is perfect?

It is possible to learn it, having looked at a fly creeping on a ceiling.

Why do people trust the deceivers?

And why husband believes to wife?

Who occurs from a cow?

Exclusively good-natured persons, but in insufficient quantity.

What the bald head can be useful for?

For additional lighting of the space.

What is better to drink?

What into a throat flows and it is not being spillt.

How are combined boiling water and crayfish?

Just as boiling water and people, up to reddening.

What cheap cologne beats expensive perfume in?

It replaces vodka at an extreme.

For what pants are necessary?

To cover, inasmuch their opening does not make a contribution to science.

When women begin to get smarter?

Some – already after fifty.

Where did nudists undertake from?

From sin, that they do not hide.

From what a goose to a pig is not a comrade?

From the different feeding troughs.

Whether will triumph of validity?

When the cancer shall start to whistle at mount.

How to become rich?

Initially make poor.

Is it good to be as the pensioner?

If thou survive – will find out?!

Why with fat rage?

Demons prefer excess to drawback.

When the person craves the most.

When he has no money.

Why in Asia pilaf is eaten with hands?

Spoon it is possible not to be in time.

What thinks the ram, looking at a new gate?

What it does not concern him.

Who is this tailor?

The man who is able to strip through the glance of every which wants to get dressed.

In what is dissimilarity of a pig and a person?

The person is capable to turn into a pig, and the pig – doesn't even try.

Why distribution of medals begins?

To distribute money there is no desire.

Whether devil confuses us?

Not devil, but jurists.

What can be extracted from slops?

Quite good pork gammon as a result.

What is the difference of traders and women?

Shopkeepers try to sell everything, except themselves, and women try to sell themselves for the sake of everything else.

What does a vegetarian differ in?

Biased attitude to vegetables.

For what civilians grow moustaches?

For giving of themselves of military daring.

What does the playing sport harm to?

Strengthening muscles, it straightens the brain crinkles.

What American Negros are close to the Russian people in?

Set free rather recently from bondage, both those, and others yet haven't managed to adapt to will.

What will be with motorists soon?

They will disappear.

In what is the use of wrinkles on a physiognomy?

They allude to wisdom, which may completely absent.

What attracts delirium of the ill by?

It is possible to learn a lot of useful from it.

What is characteristic for any institution?

What is characteristic for any public office?

Loathsome spirit

In what a horseradish and a radish converge?

They are not wish to raise the degree of own sweetness.

In what case the flood is required?

When soul burns, and there is nothing to drink.

Whether it is possible to be clever and silly simultaneously?

It is possible, but uncomfortably. It will be unbroken glitch.

What distinguishes heaviness from burden?

The same, in what the kettlebell differs from hangover.

What is better – force or dexterity?

Better to use force dexterously.

How to overcome depression?

To blow in a whistle deafeningly.

Is it good to be rich?

Very good! But it is better to be carefree!

What was until us?

In general, it was the same.

Whether it is possible to get pleasure ceaselessly?

It is possible. But long it will not turn out.

How to overcome melancholy?

Work out by gymnastics.

Is it possible to be silent for seven years as Buddha?

If you are able to write?

Is the fighter better than the soldier?

Certainly: because the form does not constrain him.

Can the computer replace the person?

No! Firstly, it cannot do nonsenses, and secondly, thou can throw out it, but it cannot

Why do we need military in peacetime?

To nest egg.

Is the world the crazy?

It isn't necessary to ascribe to the world the human properties.

How to get rid of insomnia?

In old age – nohow, in young age insomnia doesn't happen, at the intermediate age – walk before going to bed.

Why had vice emerged?

For comparison.

Why horizon is slipping away?

It is ashamed of nude rotundities of Earth.

What are the reasons that people lose their teeth?

The people lose teeth on different reasons, but the main thing – they do not find them.

Whence undertake diseases?

From boredom of healthy life.

Whom to be better – by an animal or by the person?

It is quieter to be by a plant.

What is well? And what is bad?

Well when yet isn't worse, and it is bad when worse no place.

In what case a whip and a cake have equal value?

If they lie without use.

From what is it so bad with hangover?

From sense of an organism's protest.

Where does lady superior maiden?

In the dark.

In what cases is not necessary to be treated definitely?

At deaths door.

Whether there is a purpose in existence of blockheads?

They are the transition stage to more developed mammals, nevertheless, further not leaving these developed mammals.

Is it possible to die of laughter?

It is possible, but other methods are more preferable in terms of their organization.

Part II. Taunts

Why the madman does not remember himself?

He already bothered to himself.

How many progress lasts?

While everything will not crack. But it will renew as soon as collects the strength.

Whether there is life after death?

To die, it is necessary to be born. Means, after death it is necessary to await for the birth. And so on.

What distinguishes the person from the apes?

Nothing but self-conceit.

Is the learning as the light?

If there is the window.

Whether it is possible grow to the academician?

More perspective grows in another direction.

How to become a scientist?

In no way! All of us are always only disciples.

Is it good to be a doctor?

Very bad! There are doubts in the correctness of the treatment of yourself.

Whether is science history?

Of course, no! Because in history happens to be by everyone.

Is it possible time to stop?

Not only. It can also jump.

Is there any intellect at the crocodile?

And this intellect is not bad, since the crocodile regaled itself by the person many times.

Why alive has arisen?

It has not arisen, and it was always because without it the dead would not be made out.

Is it possible the word without the matter?

During chatter you cannot satisfy your hunger.

Why are people envious?

They always feel shortage for themselves of neighbour's goods.

What is different the patriot from the rest?

Others better.

Can the computer replace the person?

In any way not! First, it cannot do nonsenses, secondly, you can throw out it, and it of you – no.

Whether really labor created the person?

Vice versa.

Is it possible the arrival of universal harmony?

Not with your hands to play on the harmonium by all.

Can a frog become the person?

It became in the end.

Whether really the suffering ennobles the person?

If he managed to grow up to ability to suffer.

And what is this state – sleep?

Reminder that state and mind is not forever.

Why the present seems such fleeting?

Because of carelessness.

Is it possible to know the future?

Glance in the past or address any gypsy woman.

Can democracy be effective for the people?

It is effective only for rascals from the people.

What is required will for?

In order to all life to be engaged in a meaningless affair.

Why intelligentsia is multiplied only in Russia?

Russian always pitied the foolishes.

What does intelligentsia differ in?

It is helplessness.

Why is the Russian intelligentsia considered rotten?

It decomposes under any power.

Why the intellectuals are running away from Russia?

They are squeezed by intelligentsia.

What does not love intelligentsia?

To work.

What is loved by intelligentsia&

It loves self and fruitless vigils.

Are bribes useful?

No! Not in the horse feed.

Why the people elect fools by deputies?

What is pop, such is the parish.

Whether fear is useful?

If only to cause fear in people expediently.

Is it true that the casting vote always has the majority?

Wrong. The casting vote always belongs to the insidious minority.

Coup is similar to rotation of pancake on a frying pan, but revolution – akin to falling of a frying pan onto a leg.

Should we trust people?

Only after check.

What an official is good in, and in what he is bad?

He if and works, then shits inevitably.

How to get rid of bad habits?

To acquire new ones.

Where all diseases undertake from?

Because of failures of an organism without asking for anyone's permission.

What mister from comrade differs?

Mister much about himself understands, and comrade – nothing.

What is characteristic of old age?

By unreliability of preserved organics.

What will happen after the crisis?

Nothing, if it was the last.

Whether it is possible to grasp immensity?

Only in inadequate state.

What are equal rights?

This when for everything are accused right, and left are announced by the right for the same.

Is it possible to avoid inequalities?

It is impossible! But – equality: it is possible!

Is it possible immortality?

If only death orders to live long.

How the term «consciousness» may be deciphered?

Consciousness is only knowledge together with though some considerations.

Why atheists do not trust in «Afterlife»?

They are similar to those who believe that the medal has only one side.

Could there be a shadow without light?

It is difficult to say – without light cannot see anything.

What a free person differs from the unauthorized in?

A free person sees in what he gets involved, and the unauthorized person is unaware of it.

What distinguishes need from passion?

On need go, and on passion – soar.

That it is better: to live quietly and long or to live frantically and widely?

The value has not longitude and latitude, but the degree of satisfaction.

How to build a communism?

The same as catch Sunny Bunny?

What distinguishes the person from a fly?

The fly is caught by a spider, and the person is caught by the creditor. Consequences are identical.

What is conscience for the rich?


How is our civilization living?

Goes there, without knowing where.

Whether it is worth thanking Bolsheviks for the made revolution?

Not worth it, but where from Bolsheviks to disappear?

German is better than Russian?

If only the pedants better than the slobs.

What is good in Chinaman?

His eternal employment.

Why Finns do not steal?

They left Russia in a timely manner.

Who is a toady?

In imperial Russia – the person in the hallway, in present Russia – on the contrary.

Is it possible to explain everything?

It is possible. But it is not need. Do not come in handy.

Is there life on other planets?

And whither can hide from it?

Whether it is necessary to watch TV?

It is not need to accuse the device in everything!

Could there be Paradise on Earth?

Paradise is elsewhere.

Whether there was in the history at least one successful president?

So far not, but the people still hope, going on re-elections.

Why all spoil everything?

All good intentions lead to hell.

Why officials steal?

You are mistaken! They do not steal, and drop to treasury.

Who are now messrs?

As always – former slaves and footmen.

Who is right – materialists or idealists?

Neither those, nor others: where can consciousness build a nest without matter? And is it possible to test matter without consciousness!?

Mankind – the herd?

If a goat is leading the herd of sheep, then who then is leading mankind?

Whether purely spiritual life is possible?

If to separate spirit from a body, then, alas, there comes death.

Why does time for happy life doesn't come?

Because somebody hours aren't watched, others have no watch, and all else are just waiting in the wings.

What is the role of personality in history?

Personalities appear so seldom that the history in general doesn't suffer from them, but in particular – very much even.

For what Internet appeared?

For the best coverage of the population and its subsequent self-destruction.

Than a policeman is different from a criminal?

One nonentity in the form pretends that it guards order, and another – uses this.

Why wolves howl, dogs whine, and people pray?

The wolf has nobody to hope, and he cheers itself; a dog, whining, hopes for the master; and Homo sapiens for some reason imagines that is not known who will help him.

Why the signature is sealed by the stamp?

Here affects atavism: always more reliable to something or someone to pin down.

What do Russians differ from remaining in?

They like to oppose to everything and everybody just so.

What is characteristic of reasonable persons?

They are not removed far from the level of mediocrity.

What it is necessary to be afraid the most of all?

Every should be afraid the most of all self.

What means to service?

To succumb to low-grade reasons.

What means to become?

To manage to manifest self in life at least once.

Where ultimately leads hypocrisy?

To loss of the true face.

Why old people are such sad?

From the loss of prospects.

What exist in consanguineous with indulgence?


Where the person does not look for benefits anyway?

In dreams and love.

What will occur if prisons collapse?

We will be sat on chain.

Why pessimists don't kill of themselves from the hopelessness which is visible by them?

Means, visibility is bad.

What the poor need a spoon for, if he has nothing to eat?

To entertain itself by an artistic knock on the bottom of the bowl.

Why the human nature is so disgusting?

It not so strongly differs from the nature of other living creatures which only and do that devours each other.

In what case the person inevitably turns into pettiness?

Being in power.

And still: truth triumphs in the world or evil?

Do not hesitate – it is true that the number of decently living people is growing, although, of course, evil is manifested in the fact that the number of indecently living people is not decreasing.

What role in life is played by a case?

It mocks us.

What sense of the invention of such useless subject how a tie?

The tie shows the man as the more erectus, than he is actually.

Why deputies and ministers are deprived of a imprint of wisdom on a countenance?

Other imprints are important for them.

Why Gogol so sympathized to Acacius Akakiyevich Bashmachkin?

The last overcoat too has been thwarted once with cash-strapped Gogol.

Why people of the North are so boring and preposterous?

The terrain is such.

For what reason flowers are forced to die in a vase?

On the occasion of this or that holiday.

Part III. The explanatory dictionary.


Extreme form of dissatisfaction of the person with common sense.


Unattainable order without chiefs, inasmuch everyone tries to become by boss.


It is what impossible take in any way.


The same, as socialism – deception of working people under different sauce.


Cozy beastliness.


Unreason regarding unanimity.




Resistance of certainty


The anticipation of execution of treasured desire, which is coming to the end with execution.


Extreme manifestation of own weakness.

A human being.

The insignificant site of a hologram which during lifetime thinks hardly.


Loss goals.


Unreasonable aspiration to pass by the necessary queue waiting.


Foreboding of severe blow.


The same need, as at an amoeba in the case its division.


It is what cannot be under any laws, but happens.


The black hole of distraction.


Social resonance.


A bunch of capable villains which is effectively replacing all unable toilers.


Natural selection of events.


An extreme form of admonition.


Individual procedure with periodic breaks for the night and with a final break for an indefinite term.


Lie, but supposedly – into salvation.


Coercion of liberation.


The first and final warning.

The pettiness.

Boundless self-conceit.


Reaction to the unwonted.


Rhymed spasm of idealism.


The last of the truly necessary.


Attempt to copy self.


Mind on the surface.

The relationship.

The most important thing! Without them – neither to distinguish, nor to divide.


Daily reminder on death.


Short-term providing without visible continuation.


The random gift, extremely seldom acquiring status of necessary.

The trifle.

Temporary roadside of the sphere of attention.


Refusal of one for the sake of another.


Waste of time and mind.

Part IV. The confused dictionary.


Woman in confused feelings.


The maniac with knowledge of English.

Automatic machine.

The idler, gnawing sunflower seeds and spitting a peel into passers-by.


Nothing worthy.

The bosses.

Separation from masses.


The place from where you can observe pedestrians.


Soup with champignons.


The population which doesn't have any rights except the right to vote,


Landing on the colossians


Hedgehog on a comb.


The curvaceous lady under stake.


Total absence of mind at the heads.


Retired general.


Very first rogue.


The lonely lady at a window.


Method of division of people on idlers and the staff servicing them.


Delicate crossing of the border in the necessary party.


Suffocation of self.


There everything is lost.


Inhale for a moment.


Housewives, singing romances.


The full passage.


Intermediate finish.


There everything happens.

Food reserve.

Do not perishable, but quickly plundered product.


Nude teasing completeness.


The idiotic idea for deception the population.


The lady at the age in dreams of a marriage.


The data, getting us.


Virtual landing to a needle.


What allows to tighten of self.


Worker of a mel quarry.


Unformed stuff.


Facial surgeon.


Satisfaction from digestion.


The circle, subjected to pruning.


Pointless exit in astral.


The man, which is able to force to listen to the own nonsenses.


Beer packing.


Russian man with a foreign surname.


Saving of what should be spent.

Smart ass.

Witted rascal.


Temporarily vacationers from loneliness.


The cemetery behind a hillock.

The stumbling block.

May be a roadside German or a cautious Jew.


The superintendent of a psychiatric hospital.


The wandering life point.


Camel for the thirtieth day without water.


Single excrement in the bushes.


Congregation of believers in education.

Part V. Considerations

The person undertook from the come awareness of itself, who was earlier by the irresponsible ape.

Any person takes offense the most of all on the fair ridicule over him.

Questions aren't asked by the one who has understood senselessness of this pastime.

Look forward, and then look back because in the first place hope, and then vexed.

If really power is the main human value, then what distinguishes the monkey alpha male from any powers that be?

Earlier the victim was given the last word before the death penalty because everybody would like finally to listen to the one who has no more reason to lie.

Fools and politicians are most of all sure of themselves.

If to recognize that elite – the best of people, then it is necessary to agree that foam – the best part of soup.

The state always resists to us because there are no other people for it.

Height causes fear because it offensively reveals insignificance of any person.

Everything rises in price, but doesn't become cheaper because the ascent is better than the fall.

The rich are capable to share with the poor only by bad diseases.

Assignment of the award means nailing of the laureate to the coveted pillar.

The genius differs from others in that he goes crazy with great success.

Most of all suffer from own nonsense.

The principal difficulty of mankind consists in absence of understanding of that, for what it is necessary generally.

The most terrible torture is an incessant humiliation.

The work is similar to digging of a grave, and the labor – to its landfilling.

It is difficult without money to change good for pleasures.

The person aspires under a yoke because It isn't necessary under a yoke to burden himself in searches.

«The hand» of market does not act without the head in any way, and even with it – unbearably bad.?

The extreme liberalism leads to the transform everything into nothing.

Surprise differs from indignation of the fact what a surprised person didn't manage to understand yet that he had been deceived.

Permanently happy is only an idiot slobbering.

People are inclined to theft because the abiding irritation by third-party property can be appeased only by transfer it into own asset.

The basis of so-called «ability to live» is unwillingness to identify own best qualities.

The person is a liar, inasmuch he believes that he only this way will be able to evade from obvious damage.

The most characteristic feature of stinginess is the persist in dislike to the unreliable surrounding.

If prisons suddenly collapse, then we will be sat on a chain.

People toil all life because they are trying unsuccessfully to focus.

The spirit most of all depletes consumption.

The person always wants everything were better for him, than he has, without special bases

The foundation to the correct policy of downsizing was «Procrustean bed»?

The genius is always wrong for his time!

Sense organs are necessary for the extraction of all available to them, out of nothing.

Life after all comes to an end, because everything, eventually, bothers.

Time stops for the dead person and for the sleeping person, but temporarily.

At a wedding everybody shouts «Bitterly» because guests know how it will end.

In order to a long way has become a close, you have to oversleep it.

Sympathy is manifested from hope for understanding.

Indifference appears from hopelessness.

The person exists for misconceptions, and the attempts the exiting from them.

It is necessary to work because otherwise it is impossible have a rest!

It is impossible to live without wars because is impossible to live without neighbors.

There is no the good without evil because everyone bears malice, that outside goods do not belong to him.

Silence is more considerable than the word just as the fish is more considerable than the fisher.

Exactly behind errors are being revealed new horizons.

Animals do not laugh because due to the lack of shortcomings they have no need to laugh over themselves.

Stupidity of globalists consists that they are trying to rule the world.

Harm is good by aversion in relation to benefit.

The embarrassment is manifested on the threshold of sincerity.

Simplicity becomes great if it is clear to everyone.

Difference of ingenuity from genius consists in the scale of mystery which is extracted. Everything else – secondary.

The set concerning the person is characteristic by the fact that it successfully hides the only thing, which is necessary to him.

Force or weakness of the person consist in the most or least knowledge of self respectively.

It becomes joylessly or from constant opening self to everybody, or from concealment self from all.

Appearance of thought of death means doubt in disposability of this event.

The intermittence is characteristic feature of immortality.

Part VI. The perpendicular reasons

What is always not enough for any person?


How to live more quietly?

Without special thought.

Why does dal so beckons?

It promises.

How to catch good luck?

Having been born on light from darkness, thou have already caught it!

From where the slyness undertakes?

From a lack of mind inevitably have to grab by deceit and dexterity.

Where to aspire?

Open the horizon, and thou will see.

Why periodically that one, that another become extinct?

For various reasons; but it means, that we also will die out here.

Why so fond of fast driving?

Everything merges in one in it.

What feature attracts in a waterfall

Its impassive fall.

What laconicism hides from people, which can read?

Unneeded details for these people.

Is it possible to derive an equation of everything?

It is possible! But as a result would be gotten Nothing.

What does art differ from fantasy in?

If they are separated, then they turn respectively into handicraft and stupidity.

Why do we need writers?

For the same, that and – rescuers.

What does good differ from evil in?

By directivity: what for one – good, for another can be evil.

Why is antipathy emerged?

From automatic resistance initially to unobtrusive feeble efforts

What does a museum differ from shop in?

By view on things.

Why world is called white?

Shades differ on a white background better.

What does the chemistry differ from physics in?

Chemistry doesn't go further a reaction, but physics goes too far in own misunderstanding of what is happening.

Why only people are capable to recognize themselves in a mirror?

Obviously, each person, unlike remaining living beings, knows in advance about self.

What does satiety is different from platitude in?

Satiety passes, and platitude – no.

Why does a struggle of opposites continue all the time?

Because there will be no time if they converge.

Whether there can be space without things?

And whether the bottle without filling is necessary?

Whether there is time which is irrespective of the person?

Of course, no! No one else can count off time without the person.

Motion and time coincide or not?

Go to the cinema – and thou will see motion on the screen within the time, specified on the ticket.

Why came into being taboo?

And why appeared the fence?

Where is the world coming to!?

Where follows!

Who rules the world?

Our presence.

What is the «thing in itself»?

Thing, which has not reached yet, but there is hope that will come.

How is spending time better?

Time is not being spent – time is being led away.

Why the lie is more pleasant than the truth?

And why treacle is more pleasant than mixture?

How to get out of the position without loss?

As a woman in labor! She loses and right there finds.

Whether there will be an end to Everything?

Surely! But everything will be started anew.

What is it – to be famous?

Better not to be!

How to set goals?

Within striking distance.

How lived without equipment and machines earlier?

More useful to! Everyone worked on himself, but not with machines.

What is the woman differed from the man in?

By all! Otherwise she wouldn't be a woman.

Whether the person can become the free?

He is already free, but very afraid of this.

How low may fall?

It depends on the height at which climbed.

Why Christ said: «Thou shalt not kill»?

He knew the senselessness of this procedure – all the same after death will follow the resurrection.

Why stars are necessary?

For height.

What is more important: the collective or the individual?

It's the same thing, only temporarily divided.

Is money evil?

No. Money – the equivalent of goods.

Whether it is necessary to repent?

Just in front of self.

What is the difference of religion from faith?

Religion binds, and faith dazzles.

Why love music?

Love not music, but selves in its waves.

What is the world?

A movie! Only you are in it and a projector, and a director, and spectator, and actor at the same time.

What differs clever from wise?

Clever thinks of himself first of all, and wise – in the second.

Stupidity and ignorance coincide or no?

Not on your nelly: the ignorant is still able to see the light, but a fool is capable only to blink.

What is most important in a person?

The ability to take aim – everything else lives aimlessly.

How to find your destiny?

It will find you self.

How to survive the hard times?

Nohow. If you came to them – so to you and it is necessary.

Could the stone to think and feel?

If to reformat of it. But better let to itself lie.

Why the world cannot stay?

Stop the movie – and you will not see continuation.

What is love in a general sense of this concept?

The thrust.

Optimism – the brother to talent?

No. It – the brother to diligence.

How to prolong youth?

To shorten old age.

What is more important: the result or the process?

It is foolish to put a chicken in front of the egg, and vice versa.

Whether the person will disappear, as such?

How will disappear, so and will appear.

Who is an agnostic?

It is that, who carries idea of God in the bosom, trying not to let out it outside.

What is characteristic of the living world?

Mutual devouring.

Which is better – idleness and labor?

Each is better when the other becomes boring.

In what climate it is better to live?

In the natural.

Whether it is necessary to go to elections?

The choice is always, especially in the presence.

Whether belief is in omens the prejudice?

There is nothing reprehensible in drawing attention to the conspicuous.

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