Текст книги "Womb Bloom"

***

The first time my daughter pushed me away was at 11 months when I was trying to calm her down. I hugged her to my breast and she gave me a push with her little hand, as if she wanted to get up and go somewhere else. At that second I felt a feeling impossible to describe. I suddenly understood that she had grown up somewhat and wanted to be more independent… I saw that the world was calling her mercilessly. A great deal of curiosity and the desire for adventure were awaking inside her. Only sometimes after bathing time would she suddenly recall the lost state of absolute comfort – of being in her mother’s womb

When children grow up parents often bring them to account: “I carried you in my womb, fed you, cared for you, and now you owe me!” Let the situation go. A child doesn’t owe you anything. Right at this moment he is giving you an indescribable experience. Being inside a woman, he is already transforming, and cleansing his parents whether they want it or not. A baby gives such invaluable lessons in life which we can already feel eternally grateful for.

We are witnesses to the realization of a new life. We have been given a unique opportunity to observe this process, this history which is being created right before our eyes. The first step, the first sound uttered, are all unbelievable moments in a child’s growth and development. What could be more wonderful?

First place in life

During a seminar for women we were told that women often put their children or husband in first place, conferring large-scale hopes and expectations on them. How deep is the disappointment when things suddenly don’t turn out as expected?

What are we to do? If you need to lay everything out in order then put the Supreme, the Spirit, your spiritual task on this Earth, yourself first and only then the rest: family, husband, children, your work, favourite hobby and so on. Children grow up and go their own way, creating their own families. They choose where they want to go next. We are left one on one with ourselves with the same path stretching out before us; the path which we started our journey from with a huge forest of hopes, possibilities, meetings, experiences and fulfilled or unfulfilled ambitions…

Now l will begin to walk you through pregnancy week by week.

Week 1

At some point everything changed. Irrevocably and on a massive scale the changes took place inside me. Masks fell apart, other people’s dreams and expectations vanished – everything that had been put upon me but was not mine simply fell away… Juan said that people didn’t change and if they did, it was in extremely rare situations connected to powerful or overwhelming events. That was my case. I changed forever… I felt naked before the boundless universe. I had been cleansed…

A second heart began beating inside of me…

I desired to conceive from my beloved man with all my heart. Every day we stated our intent and put all our energy of love into creating a new being. We visualized our baby together.

Parents’ visualizations

What joy it is to see children’s toys strewn around the rooms of your house! The heart leaps from the inexplicable joy that a child has come into your house, and that that child is your dear little one, your own flesh and blood. A child is a sun, which lights up the whole house with her light. A child is pure, playful, light energy which flits in the air energizing the space and people around him.

***

When I became pregnant I would often close my eyes, stroke my stomach and imagine what my child would look like. What little feet, hands, eyes and hair it would have. When parents are pregnant, they are rich with imagination about what kind of child will be born. Will it be a boy or girl? What eye colour and facial features will he or she have, who will she or he be similar to and so on.

It is at this stage that parents need to put their maximum effort and intent into giving birth to a healthy, happy, beautiful, joyful baby and direct energy towards positive intent, thereby trying to form a favourable future for their child. But of course in the end Spirit decides everything about who will come into this world. We are merely those who meet the new guest after they fly into this Universe on their spaceship. Our task is to receive the one who has come to us. Receive them and be able to love them, be their friend and guide in this life.

When my daughter was born I would look at her for hours on end, studying her gaze and smile. I was getting to know the being who had come here to fulfill her aims and personal mission.

***

My mentors taught me women’s visualization. What is this? Of course, this is a topic for a whole other book, but I will explain the essence of the matter here.

Woman’s visualization is the way in which a woman sees her world through her dreams and how she forms reality around her. While men have to learn how to do this, a woman has this knowledge from birth. She just needs to awaken it. She will be shown and told everything without having to ask anyone to teach her. A woman’s body has all the answers. Woman’s dreaming always comes easily.

If a woman sees that all her titanic efforts yield no results, that all the things she is aiming towards are stopped short again and again and energy doesn’t flow freely, it only means one thing – that she is not treading on woman’s path, and most importantly, that she has strayed from HER OWN path.

I will describe a technique for forming and launching the intent to conceive a child. Always remember what your intent is and what it is for. Be responsible for your images, dreams and wishes since they have the tendency to come true.

Creating a visualization sphere

Between my eyelashes lie thousands of visions…

Visualization Sphere

Extend an energy cord similar to an umbilical cord from the centre of your womb and create an energy sphere attached to it in front of your stomach. Mould it with your hands as you would a snowball. On an outbreath fill it with your strength, which for a woman collects in her centre – the womb. Blow your visualization into it. These are your dreams and desires.

Inside the sphere clearly imagine the event which you would like to see in reality. Here it has already come about and you are now observing it, painting in each and every detail in colour. In my case, I would visualize the baby that I had already given birth to. I would draw her facial features, hair colour and imagine what kind of character she would have.

Then, the most important thing is to let the sphere go. Don’t hold on tightly to it and nervously wait for the event to come true in your lives because this way you block the energy of intent by not letting it flow freely. It’s like cutting the umbilical cord or letting a balloon fly into the sky. First you hold it by a string feeling the movement of air. And when the right wave comes you loosen your grip, letting the balloon fly away. It disappears into the clouds, borne up and away by the Wind of intent…

***

Remembering what my mentors had taught me, I allowed myself to feel woman in her essence, that is, to be relaxed. We decided to go to Egypt for a month. Egypt had been calling me for a long time; flitting images from past lives gave me the feeling that that my roots were there. Jonny felt the same pull from that country. We, along with everyone else going through Russia’s December winter, wanted to warm ourselves and fill ourselves with the Sun’s energy.

On 21^st December the desired conception took place. While everyone in Russia was apparently hoping to be saved from the 2012 apocalypse, we lay on the beach looking at the diamond-studded night sky and it seemed to me that countless stars were going to fall any second now, as if someone was about to tear off all the rhinestones from the galaxy’s black cape.

I felt something happening inside me…

***

Millions of sperm compete with one another in a race to the coveted egg like cars on the racetrack. Only a few dozen will reach the end point, and only one will penetrate the egg…the strongest and bravest of them all. It’s a struggle for survival. A colossal amount of life energy is emitted at that moment! The quintessence of life! That’s why during natural conception a million times more energy is put into creating a new life then during artificial insemination, which has become popular these days.

***

For conception to take place a woman must trust her chosen one on a deep level; her egg cell must confide in him to let the sperm cell into her palace. Surrounded by a protective layer, the egg must open up, and finally give in to allow the winner to penetrate her inner chambers.

I was once with a man who dreamed of getting me pregnant but I knew that it wouldn’t happen with him because deep inside myself I didn’t want to. I didn’t trust him and therefore my female centre was closed off from him. No matter how hard he tried, nothing happened.

Woman’s gift

On an intuitive level every woman feels that she has something inside herself, somewhere in the centre of her womb, a type of gift which mustn’t be used just anyhow but which needs to be protected, stored and strengthened for a feat – for the right moment in her life. And that right moment is to give life to a new being and create a spiritual revolution.

My mentors would tell me this about choosing a man who would be the future father of my child: “Sometimes it pays to be patient and wait as long as it takes to find a real diamond in the mountains instead of picking up the stones that you meet on your way.”

A woman needs to take care of herself from childhood to be able to conceive strong and healthy children.Patience is a feminine quality. It’s such a wonderful quality that sometimes it becomes a safety ring in the future ocean of temptation, a safety cushion protecting us from fatal consequences.

By developing patience in yourselves you build up female power. This quality will become your trusty helper during motherhood when you will have a small screaming bundle in your hands, which keeps asking for something day and night, crying, and no one except for you can calm him down.

***

We have simply stopped valuing and respecting ourselves as women. Maybe we were taught this? Fashion, adverts, ‘new’ trends… We have become impatient and so sickeningly easy to get, and maybe so unhappy because of that.

Every time when the temptation is great, just think about the fact that right now you are giving away a little piece of your power to this man, power which could give you strong progeny, inspire you to produce a masterpiece or lead to a spiritual breakthrough.

What are you doing it for? A good party? To get with the times?

Trust me, it’s not worth a drop of what you will lose.

Take care of yourselves, bereginyas!¹1
  Bereginyas – ancient Slavonic goddesses whose name means guardian. These qualities are also attributed to mothers as those who care for the family and keep it intact.


[Закрыть] – female quality to take care of the family

Every time after a chance connection a woman intuitively feels that she has lost something, that she has given something away gratuitously and dirtied herself. Many even want to wash everything off under the shower as fast as possible. Sometimes a woman can feel deep regret when she realizes that all of this was just for pleasure and there will be no continuation. Those who say that they don’t feel anything, that everything was great and both sides got what they wanted have maybe lost touch with their bodies long ago and stopped loving themselves.

Women who have had many sexual relations often come to my seminars. Inside myself I feel tears coming: “Why are they destroying themselves as women so recklessly, rushing to become aged, their faces covered with wrinkles of mature disappointments, and to lose their innocent and carefree beauty?” The self-destruction programme begins from early on, when a woman recklessly gets rid of her beautiful long hair for a boyish cut and pulls on tight jeans which constrict her stomach.

Why are we women prone to surround ourselves with secrets, stories veiled in mist, and create an aureole of obscurity around ourselves? This is a kind of intuitive protection – to hide behind a thousand doors of your secrets waiting for the only one, the one who is worthy to walk through each of them up to the very last one…

***

Jonny was the first man I trusted and could give myself up to completely. I allowed my egg cell to open up and let in his masculine particle inside it. Fusion, an explosion, fireworks! At that second I was the most relaxed woman in the world.

On the outside everything was as it always was; the sun, sea, beach, the regularity of summer weather during Egypt’s winter. But from that minute a new galaxy began to develop inside of me, a spiral of vitality unwinding at breakneck speed, a budding flower of love opening up its petals.

A day before conception a no less noteworthy event took place; we ascended Moses’ holy mountain – Sinai.

***

It was twilight when our journey to the summit began. We were going to meet the sunrise to be wedded and have our union blessed by Ra, the Sun himself. Some Bedouins met us at the foot of the mountain offering to sell us warm clothes. We bought some and let them keep the change to gain favour with the local spirits. It was our gift to that place in the form of money.

We made our way into the centre of the night’s eye. Nothing but rocks around us and a serpentine path as we went up, up and up. Some people didn’t hold out to the end and stopped to rest in small Bedouin huts. Others were short of breath, had headaches and could feel their blood pressure rising. This powerful place cleansed everyone who was in need of it. The local camels moved in a very relaxed manner as if they were floating on air and felt no strain from the ascent or loads on their backs.

With each metre the air became colder and the wind stronger. About half-way into our climb Jonny went a bit further ahead and I was left alone with the Wind. It felt as if it had been tracking me for a long time and had finally chosen this moment to reveal itself. My old lover had come back, as they sometimes do to get nourishment from us, test our resilience and see to what extent we’ve freed ourselves from them. And if we give in they take our female power.

The Wind wanted me to show it my vitality. It roared so strongly that I felt that I would fall off the mountain edge any second. I noticed that the energy of primal fear had awakened from deep inside my belly. And there, a metre away from me, a huge boulder caught my eye with a small hollow of safety in its centre. I squeezed myself into it with such force that I almost managed to get my whole body inside it. At that moment the stone seemed like plasticine to me, which I could use as a duvet to cover myself with. I pressed my whole body into it so as not to be carried away by the Wind.

Before this I had thought that I was tired from the long ascent, but nothing could be further from the truth; we have so many resources hidden inside ourselves which we are not even aware of until we are faced with a situation like this. The Replege movements which I was taught by my mentors came to the ancients this way i.e. when they clearly felt their vitality and began to move in a specific manner. This is why the exercises activate our inner potential and make us feel the intensity of life.

Jonny felt that I had got stuck somewhere and hurried back. Seeing me at the edge of the cliff he stretched out his hand and said “Don’t be afraid, just hold on to me.” I did as he said and was saved. The Wind disappeared straight away, as if it had never been there in the first place. We moved on.

I didn’t see anything apart from rocks, which we had to walk on carefully so as not to stumble on them. Jonny saw two shooting stars and shouted to me to look up and make a wish. We both made the same wish – for us to have children together. I felt that the stars were souls coming down from the cosmos. Newcomers, new guests in our world…

***

Each stone emanated its own hue: red, yellow, blue, purple. I felt like a lynx pouncing from one stone to the other. There was lightness and gracefulness to my movements. The stones I needed to step on pulled my feet towards them. That’s how I covered ground.

Just before morning we reached the summit. The group had almost but dispersed. Some people had stayed overnight in the little huts. For Jonny and me the ascent was a colossal cleanse from past ties and the summit was the apogee – transformation, the start of a new life, a strengthened union, swearing oaths of love. True love which only happens once in a lifetime. Everything that had come before was searching, sport, interests… One can make up a lot of names, but when true love comes nothing can compare to it and everything fades away in its light.

I had almost stopped believing in its existence. I was tired of the search for partners and the repetitive process of building a relationship and then breaking it up. How painful and energy-consuming it was to invest in a person and then break everything that had taken such effort to build. To break up without looking back. I was so tired of it that I had almost accepted to be a wild wolf in the wild forest of creation…

What we had made this night journey over the rocks for had begun to show itself – the sun was rising. I witnessed red light filling everything around it through the mountain range. It felt as if the sun had spilled itself over the whole sky and swallowed it. Fiery reddish-burgundy flashes rampaged around. It was incredibly beautiful. I’d never seen anything like it. A few minutes after that sun had appeared, another sun began to swim up from behind the mountain tops, showing itself without haste, bit by bit until it had turned into a big yellow disc.

Morning had broken. All who had witnessed this miracle were bathed in light. Everyone stood in a state of bliss and smiled at each other. This was a dawn of new hope for each person. It was a new stage in life; to leave the past in the past and start living a new page of life.

Jonny and I waited for the group to start their journey back down the mountain. Left in solitude we did the sun salute ritual to the 4 points of the compass on the mountain’s gathering point.

Sun salute

This practice is done at dawn. First we face east since the sun rises from this direction. Palms pressed together at heart level, we breathe in and stretch our arms out to the sides. We look at the sun and breathe in his energy and on the inhalation bring our hands together. Repeat 4 times.

We then turn to face north, repeat the movements 4 times, then west, south and back to east where we conclude the movements.

At sunset everything except for the breathing is the same – we stretch our arms out on an exhalation and join them together on an inhalation. At sunset we breathe out everything that we’ve amassed during the day. We renew our energy and bid farewell to the old Sun so that tomorrow we can welcome a new day with the new experiences it will bring.

***

After the Sun salute Jonny and I set down 4 scarab statuettes at each point of the compass. They were given to us as a present by Egyptian healer Osama, guardian of the ancient secrets of pharaohs on how to prepare rejuvenating oils, creams and healing teas, passed down to him by his ancestors. The scarabs were painted different colours, each symbolizing its direction or wind: green – east, blue – north, purple – west, brown – south. It is known that the ancient knowledge of Egypt, Mexico and other civilizations has a common root and the importance of number four can also been seen in Egyptian sources. We left the scarabs as an offering to this place and began our descent.

Week 2

The test showed two stripes. Clear laughter of heartfelt happiness rang out from my body. Jonny came into the bathroom and understood straight away. He lifted me up in his arms hugging me tightly. We laughed like children. We were those sun-filled children. We already knew about my pregnancy beforehand but were confirming it a second time for ourselves.

A true miracle has taken place. A divine plan. It’s almost unreal. I can’t quite believe it! Maybe I’m dreaming?! I don’t believe it…Have I really succeeded? Have we done it?! From now on I won’t be lonely, at least not for the next 9 months. Wherever I am, whatever place I’ll be going to, there’ll be another being with me; a friend in my belly.

***

After a few days of travelling down my fallopian tube, the embryo attached itself to my womb latching onto its little chance to be the recipient of life. In spite of my hyperactive life filled with Replege, dance, flights, and tempestuous sex, the embryo had survived and taken root in me. That was the first test that it passed in life. Now I had to get used to the constant company; sleeping with a new being inside myself, eating, walking, swimming with it the whole time and being aware of my duality 24 hours round the clock.

***

Two massive worlds are crammed into me and there is so little of the outside world …

I had never been this happy. Before I thought that I would be happy after publishing my first book, after setting up the Replege project or when I had earned my first million. But all that just gave me a short upsurge of joy that lasted a few minutes. True happiness was what I was experiencing now. Like a supernova explosion, a new star had lit up on my firmament – my womb. Crazy dances barefooted on the yacht with my beloved were now in the company of a third. Jumping on the soft seats on the deck I felt as light as a feather. I didn’t feel my weight but flitted above it. I united with the moon, the stars, the sea, the Universe. I was spinning in the dance of love to the rhythm of drums.

So much happiness was heaped upon me in one go; such a massive cosmic gift which I still had to accept. Sometimes we are given such big gifts by fate that it turns out we aren’t able to accept them. We can’t accommodate them and run away from them. Once we lose them we feel regret. But I had matured for this gift. Now I was a mother. And this is a completely different status for a woman, a new meaning and experience of herself. Now I was a true woman!

One healer in Mexico called don Bartolomeo doesn’t give consultations to women who haven’t yet given birth or at least those who haven’t found themselves a couple. He usually tells them: “First work through your sexuality, open up motherhood in yourself, and only then come to me with your questions. What spiritual growth can there be talk of if you have not yet gone through this?” Of course there is also another path of spiritual development; asceticism, monasticism and eternal virginity. But that’s another story.

Week 3

I felt like a 15-year-old who had just fallen in love. Walking down the road I could feel the freshness of the trees that had come to life after winter; the scent of the first budding leaves, the scent of first love, an explosion of life, a brand new wave. A bud was budding in my belly too. I felt that the processes inside me were taking place with explosive-like speed. I couldn’t keep still for a minute. A wave of energy. Drive. Adrenalin. Movement. I constantly longed for adventures, trips and journeys.

Do we need to do physical exercise during pregnancy?

We are liquid. That’s why we flow and are always in the flow. And the flow is movement. There’s a strange opinion that during pregnancy women need to move less, even that they shouldn’t move at all and lie all day in bed. Of course, lying down all day is ok if you have a good masseur at hand…

What happens with the body when we stop moving? The energy inside us begins to stagnate just like water in a spring. When fresh water stops flowing through it the spring begins to get clogged up and a boggy environment forms around it. The same goes for the body – blocks and tense areas form. A feeling of discomfort arises.

Movement, just like massage, stimulates stagnated energy in us and therefore gives us more vitality. Have you noticed that every movement is connected to the abdomen? This area is always engaged even in the simplest exercise, step, turn, bend and so on. Now the life maturing in your belly also moves with every movement you make. The life inside you feels these vibrations. It feels that we are alive and rejoices.

I taught Replege classes and exercised every day right up to the day I gave birth. This enabled my joints to retain their elasticity and my muscles to remain toned. And it provided the maturing foetus within with oxygen, and good blood circulation. So if you feel like it, be active and exercise! It’s so natural. What kind of exercise and how much of it is up to you. If you do regular exercise during pregnancy you will be able to prepare your body for childbirth.

Labour is a process which tests a woman’s stamina and really draws on her resources. I myself was in labour for 24 hours… but more about that later. Regular physical exercise develops the qualities needed during labour; we learn how to breathe deeply and correctly into our bellies and to keep going when that very moment comes.

My main recommendation is not to do anything abruptly and not to exhaust yourself. Now everything needs to be done calmly and smoothly, with one movement flowing into the other. Movements into joy. If you weren’t exercising before your pregnancy then it’s not a good idea to jump headlong into strenuous exercise now. Start slowly, step by step, and focus mainly on breathing, stretching and walking. It was pregnancy that taught me how to breathe and move properly. I started breathing deeply and carried out every movement with focus and a deep breaths in and out.

Quality, not quantity is key. And the secret of quality lies in breathing. Before pregnancy I did lots of repetitive exercise. I would repeat a set of movements 100 – 200 times, but my breathing was shallow. During pregnancy I only did 20 – 40 repetitions but my breathing was slow and deep, and I attained better results. No more frenetic and hot blooded movements. Everything become very meditative, dance-like, relaxed, and every muscle was paid attention to.

If you don’t have the energy or are not in the mood for squats or press ups, stretch instead. Stretching is very beneficial and pleasant. Stretch slowly breathing out. This will take the pressure off your back when your belly gets big.

I’m not going to give techniques for squats or strengthening your glutes. I’ll give you something slightly different – the ancient Water Dance which will replace boring repetitions.

Water Dance

Water Dance

The Water Dance is made up of specific dance movements created especially for women by ancient civilizations. They imitate the movement of water. The ancients were very precise in differentiating between male and female movements; men’s and women’s bodies are constructed differently and therefore need different exercises. The same can’t be said for the present where women take up weight lifting just like men.

What happens with a violin when you start playing it like a drum?

The body is an instrument, and if you were given a women’s body then you need to treat it in a female manner. There are special women’s techniques for this. There is not as much information about them as there is about predominantly male techniques: yoga, karate, aikido.

And what about our female path?…

The ancients noticed that woman was very close to the element of Water. They observed water and learned from it; learned its movements, how it changed, how rings formed on its surface, how waves formed in the ocean and how rivers split into separate streams.

When I first saw this dance I fell in love with it. It is so beautiful, feminine and flowing. It doesn’t put as much pressure on the body press ups or squats yet the effect is even more striking. This dance gives you the freedom to be creative. There are no strict rules. Each woman ends up creating her own personal dance. If you don’t want to exhaust yourselves with daily training sessions but want to look fit and beautiful during and after your pregnancy, as every woman does, the Water Dance will be just the thing for you.

Why dance?

Dances pulse through our veins from birth, as do songs. We all know how to sing and dance from birth. Only later these natural abilities are often blocked in us, particularly in boys. We are taught to be embarrassed and even ashamed of them.

Dance is one of the best ways to get rid of tension. We have all been created from the dance of Love – the rhythm of two bodies.

Dance is spontaneity and space for creativity. Monotonous movements quickly become boring. According to scientific studies, people who dance live the longest. And most importantly of all, it is dance that gives us the feeling of connection with our baby; inside us the baby is constantly living Life’s dance. So switch the music on and dance with your baby inside you.

I really liked dancing with my belly during pregnancy. I would put my right hand on my stomach, my left hand on my heart area and spin to the rhythm of two heartbeats. Two hearts beat under my palms. This way I would send love from my heart to my baby’s heart through my hands. And I would receive the same in return.

Introduction to the dance

In this dance you will draw circles, spirals, infinity signs and vertical and horizontal figures of eight at different angles with your hands, legs, hips, shoulders and feet. You will learn how to do these movements while spinning round and round. Here you can swim in the ocean of your fantasy without end and experiment with your body, listening to what it suggests and what your baby, who will be dancing in unison with you, suggests…

I will describe the main principle behind each movement.

If you touch water’s surface, rings will begin to form on it. This image applies to the first hip movement we do. Begin by doing the hip rotations at low amplitude, and with every rotation the circles get larger and larger until they reach their maximum radius. Then do the opposite —decrease the radius until you come back to the starting point.

Continue the hip rotations and start turning around your axis. Take it slowly at first so that your head doesn’t start spinning. Now imagine that you are a chamomile flower. Your body is the flower’s centre, and your hips trace its petals with circular movements. Each movement starts from the centre of your stomach; your hip draws a circle and comes back to its starting point. Place your hands on your kidney area. Breathe freely, feel relaxed and happy… Don’t forget to smile!