Текст книги "Алиса в Стране чудес / Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland"

Chapter IX
The Mock Turtle's Story

'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, my dear!' said the Duchess to Alice, and they walked together.

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that made her so angry.

'When I am a Duchess,' she said to herself, 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen at all. Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, 'and vinegar that makes them sour-and camomile that makes them bitter-and-and barley-sugar that makes children sweet-tempered…'

'You're thinking about something, my dear, – said the Duchess, – and you forget to talk. I can't tell you now what the moral of that is.'

'Perhaps there is no moral at all,' Alice remarked.

'What?' said the Duchess. 'Everything has got a moral, if only you can find it.'

And she went closer to Alice's side as she spoke.

Alice did not like it very much, because the Duchess was very ugly; and because she had a very sharp chin. However, Alice did not like to be rude.

'The game's going on,' she said to keep up the conversation a little.

'Exactly,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is “Oh, it's love, it's love, that makes the world go round!”'

'Somebody says,' Alice whispered, 'that it's necessary to mind his own business!'

'Ah, well! It means the same thing,' said the Duchess, 'and the moral of that is “Take care of the sense!”'

'Oh, she likes to find morals in everything!' Alice thought to herself.

'I'm not sure about the temper of your flamingo. Does it bite?'

'It may bite,' Alice cautiously replied.

'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is “Birds of a feather flock together.”'

'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.

'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear mind!'

'It's a mineral, I think,' said Alice.

'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who was ready to agree to everything that Alice said.

'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, 'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'

'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that is “Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than you are otherwise.”'

'I think I must understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if I write that down.'

'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with the dig of her sharp little chin.

'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply.

'You know, my dear,' said the Duchess, 'the moral of this is…'

But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's arm began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them.

'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.

'Now, I warn you,' shouted the Queen; 'either you or your head must be off! Take your choice!'

The Duchess took her choice, and went away in a moment.

'Let's continue our game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice followed to the croquet-ground.

The other guests were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game. The Queen merely remarked: 'A moment's delay costs you your lives.'

All the time they were playing the Queen was quarrelling with the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' All the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution.

Then the Queen stopped the game, and said to Alice, 'Did you see the Mock Turtle?'

'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is. I never saw one, or heard of one.'

'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and it shall tell you its history.'

As they walked off together, the King said in a low voice, to the guests, 'You are all pardoned.'

'Oh, that's a good thing!' Alice said to herself.

Very soon they met a Gryphon, it was sleeping in the sun.

'Get up, you idler!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to the Mock Turtle. I must go back'; and she walked off.

The Queen left Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not like the look of the creature, but it seemed as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen; so she waited.

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes, then it chuckled.

'What fun!' said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.

'What is the fun?' said Alice.

'She,' said the Gryphon. 'It's a fake, you know, they never execute anybody. Come on!'

'Everybody says “come on!” here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly after the Gryphon.

Soon they saw the Mock Turtle. It was sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and sighing.

'What is his sorrow?' Alice asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, 'It's a fake, you know, it has no sorrow. Come on!'

So they went up to the Mock Turtle. It looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

'This is a young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants to know your history.'

'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word. I'll tell a story.'

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice waited patiently.

'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real Turtle.'

Next was a very long silence. The Mock Turtle was only sobbing. Alice was going to get up and say, 'Thank you for your interesting story,' but she sat still and said nothing.

'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, 'we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle-we called him Tortoise…'

'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.

'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle angrily, 'and really you are very silly!'

'Yes, don't ask such simple questions,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, 'Go on, old fellow!'

And the Mock Turtle went on in these words:

'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you don't believe it…'

'Why? I didn't say that!' interrupted Alice.

'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.

'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon.

The Mock Turtle went on.

'We had the best educations-in fact, we went to school every day…'

'So what?' asked Alice; 'I go to school everyday, too. Why are you so proud?'

'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.

'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'

'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.

'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.

'Ah! then your school isn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. We had washing – extra.'

'What for?' asked Alice; 'You were living at the bottom of the sea.'

'Yes, I was,' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I only took the regular course.'

'What was that?' inquired Alice.

'Reeling and Writhing[10]10
  Reeling and Writhing – Верчение и Корчение (названия предметов построены на ассоциации с Reading and Writing – чтение и письмо)


[Закрыть]. Different branches of Arithmetic,' the Mock Turtle replied; 'Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision[11]11
  Названия четырёх арифметических действий построены на ассоциациях: Ambition (Addition, сложение), Distraction (Substraction, вычитание), Uglification (Multiplication, умножение), Derision (Division, деление).


[Закрыть].'

'I never heard of “Uglification,”' Alice said. 'What is it?'

The Gryphon was surprised.

'What! Never heard of that!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'

'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means “to make something prettier.”'

'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify[12]12
  to uglify – «безобразить», антоним, образованный по аналогии с to beautify – «украшать»


[Закрыть] is, you are just foolish.'

Alice turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else did you learn?'

'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, 'Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography[13]13
  Mystery, Seaography – названия предметов построены на ассоциациях с History («история») и Geography («география»)


[Закрыть]: then Drawling, Stretching[14]14
  Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils – названия предметов построены на ассоциациях с Drawing («рисование»), Sketching («рисунок»), Painting in Oils («живопись маслом»)


[Закрыть], and Fainting in Coils[15]15
  Fainting in Coils – буквально: Падание в обморок, сворачиваясь кольцами


[Закрыть].'

'What was that like?' said Alice.

'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too old for that. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'

'I had no time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though. He was an old crab[16]16
  игра слов: old crab – 1. старый краб; 2. старый ворчун


[Закрыть], he was.'

'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh, 'he taught Laughing and Grief.'

'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.

'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice.

'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so on.'

'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.

'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked, 'because they lessen from day to day.'

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she made her next remark.

'Then the eleventh day was a holiday?'

'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.

'And what about the twelfth day?' Alice asked eagerly.

'Enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'

Chapter X
The Lobster Quadrille

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and looked at Alice, and tried to speak. Gryphon began to shake it and punch it in the back. At last the Mock Turtle, with tears that were running down his cheeks, went on again:

'You did not live much under the sea…'

('I did not,' said Alice)

'and perhaps you did not see a lobster…'

(Alice began to say 'I once tasted…' but hastily said 'No, never')

'so you probably do not know what a nice dance a Lobster Quadrille is!'

'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'

'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the sea-shore…'

'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then you advance twice…'

'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.

'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners…'

'…change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.

'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the…'

'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon.

'…as far to sea as you can-'

'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.

'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle.

'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.

'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock Turtle, suddenly became silent; and the two friends sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.

'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.

'Do you want to see it?' said the Mock Turtle.

'Very much indeed,' said Alice.

'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. 'We can do without lobsters, you know. Who will sing?'

'Oh, you will sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I forgot the words.'

So they began to dance round and round Alice, while the Mock Turtle sang a song about a whiting and a snail very slowly and sadly.

'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice.

'Oh, you saw the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'of course?'

'Yes,' said Alice, 'at dinn…' she stopped hastily.

'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you see them so often, of course you know what they're like.'

'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you know why it's called a whiting?'

'No,' said Alice. 'Why?'

'It does the boots and shoes,' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.

Alice was puzzled.

'Does the boots and shoes?' she repeated.

'Yes. Why are your shoes so shiny?' asked the Gryphon.

Alice looked down at her shoes.

'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, 'are white. Now you know.'

'So,' the Mock Turtle said, 'Let's hear about your adventures.'

Alice began to tell them her adventures from the time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it at first, the two creatures came close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths very wide.

The Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said 'That's very curious.'

'Maybe another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon offered. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'

'Oh, a song, please!' Alice replied eagerly.

'Hm! Sing her “Turtle Soup,” will you, old fellow?' said the Gryphon.

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, with sobs, to sing this:

 
'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beau-ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau-ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo-oop of the e-e-evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
Beau-ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau-ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo-oop of the e-e-evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
 

'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle began to repeat it, when they heard a cry: 'The trial's beginning!'

'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and he took Alice by the hand, and hurried off.

'What trial is it?' Alice asked; but the Gryphon only answered 'Come on!' and ran faster and faster.

Chapter XI
Who Stole the Tarts?

The King and Queen of Hearts were sitting on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled around them-many different birds and beasts, and the whole pack of cards. The Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him. Near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it. They looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry.

Alice was in a court for the first time. But she read about courts in books 'That's the judge,' she said to herself, 'because of his great wig.'

The judge was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, he did not look comfortable.

'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,' (she said 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over to herself. She was very proud of it: very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.

'What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon.

'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'they do not want to forget them before the end of the trial.'

'Fools!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, because the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!'

The King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. Alice went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity to take it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) did not understand anything.

So he began to write with his finger; but this was useless.

'Read the accusation!' said the King.

The White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and began to read:

 
'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!'
 

'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.

'No, no!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'Let's…'

'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other.

'I beg pardon, your Majesty,' he began, 'but I was drinking my tea when they called me.'

'So what?' said the King. 'When did you begin?'

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who entered, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it was,' he said.

'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.

'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.

'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

'Take off your hat!' the King said to the Hatter.

'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.

'You stole it!' the King exclaimed.

'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I do not have my own hats. I'm a hatter.'

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began to look at the Hatter. The Hatter turned pale.

The Hatter looked uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation: she was beginning to grow larger again. She wanted to get up and leave the court; but then she decided to remain where she was.

'What are you doing?' asked the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. 'I can't breathe.'

'Sorry,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'

'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.

'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing too.'

'Yes, but not so fast,' said the Dormouse. And it got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.

'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' the Queen ordered.

'Tell what you know of this case,' the King said, 'or I'll have your head off.'

'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, 'and I did not finish my tea-and I took my bread-and-butter-and the tea…'

'What?' said the King.

'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.

'Of course with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you take me for a fool? Go on!'

'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and as the March Hare said…'

'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.

'You did!' said the Hatter.

'I deny it!' said the March Hare.

'He denies it,' said the King.

'Well, the Dormouse said…' the Hatter went on slowly, but the Dormouse denied nothing. It was asleep.

'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread…'

'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.

'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.

'You must remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee.

'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.

'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King. 'If that's all you know about it, you may sit down.'

'I want to finish my tea,' said the Hatter, and looked at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court.

'…and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was far away.

'Call the next witness!' said the King.

The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand. The people near the door began to sneeze at once.

“Tell what you know of this case,” said the King.

'I shan't,' said the cook.

The King looked at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, 'Your Majesty must make her tell.'

“Well, if I must, I must,” said the King with a sad look. He folded his arms and frowned at the cook, then asked in a stern voice, 'What are tarts made of?'

'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.

'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.

'Catch that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Off with its head! Turn him out of court! Pinch him! Off with his head!'

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, they ran here and there, they were trying to catch the Dormouse. The cook disappeared.

'That's all right,' said the King. 'Call the next witness.'

Alice watched the White Rabbit. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit called her name: 'Alice!'

Chapter XII
Alice's Evidence

'Here!' cried Alice, but she forgot how large she was, and jumped up. The edge of her skirt tipped the jury box and turned them all out on the heads of the crowd below.

'Oh, I beg your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and began to pick them up again.

'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-all,' he repeated with great force and looked hard at Alice…

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little Lizard was waving its tail in the air, but could not move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; 'there's no big difference,' she said to herself.

'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.

'Nothing,' said Alice.

'Nothing at all?' persisted the King.

'Nothing at all,' said Alice.

'That's very important,' the King said, and turned to the jury. They were just beginning to write this down, when the White Rabbit interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a very respectful tone.

'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on, 'important-unimportant-unimportant-important'.

He was trying which word sounded best.

Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.' Alice could see this, she was near enough.

At this moment the King cried out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court.'

Everybody looked at Alice.

'I'm not a mile high,' said Alice.

'You are,' said the King.

'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.

'Well, I shan't go,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a regular rule: you invented it just now.'

'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.

'Why is it not Number One?' said Alice.

The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.

'Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury. His voice was low and trembling.

'There's something more, please your Majesty,' said the White Rabbit. He was jumping up; 'this letter!'

'What's in it?' said the Queen.

'I did not open it,' said the White Rabbit, 'but I think this is the letter which the Knave of Hearts wrote to-to somebody.'

'Exactly,' said the King, 'unless it was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'

“Whose name is on it?” said one of the jurymen.

'There's no name on it,' said the White Rabbit, as he looked at the letter; 'in fact, it's a rhyme.'

'Is the handwriting the prisoner's?' asked another of the jurymen.

'No, it's not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing.'

'He imitated somebody else's handwriting,' said the King.

'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they can't prove I did. There's no name at the end.'

'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes your case worse. Honest men always sign their letters.'

'That proves his guilt,' said the Queen.

'It proves nothing!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know what the rhyme is about!'

'Read it,' said the King.

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.

'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked.

'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'

The White Rabbit read:

 
'They told me you said to her,
And spoke of me to him:
She gave me a good name, indeed,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I went away
(We know that it's true):
If she pushes the matter on
What will become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three, or more;
They all came back from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
My notion was, she liked him best,
(Before she had this thing)
I'll hide it from all the rest
But him and you and it.'
 

'That's the most important thing,' said the King. He was rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury…'

'If anyone of you can explain it,' said Alice, (she grew very large and she wasn't afraid of the King,) 'I'll give him sixpence. I don't think there's a grain of sense in it.'

The jury all wrote down, 'She doesn't think there's a grain of sense in it,' but nobody tried to tell what it meant.

'It's even better,' said the King. 'If there's no sense in it we will have no trouble, you know.'

He put the verses on his knee, and looked at them with one eye.

'I found some sense in them, after all. “”said I could not swim”! – You can't swim, can you?' he asked the Knave.

The Knave shook his head sadly.

'Do I look like it?' he said.

(Which he certainly did not, because he was made of paper.)

'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on. '“I gave her one, they gave him two”, that's what he did with the tarts!'

'But it goes on, 'they all came back from him to you,'' said Alice.

'Exactly! Why, isn't he guilty after all?' said the King triumphantly. He pointed to the tarts on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than that. Let the jury consider their verdict!'

'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first-verdict afterwards.'

'Nonsense!' said Alice loudly.

'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen.

'I won't!' said Alice.

'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.

'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she grew to her full size.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'

At this the whole pack rose up in the air and flew down upon her; she screamed and tried to beat them off-and found herself on the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister.

'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'What a long sleep!'

'Oh, I had a very strange dream!' said Alice, and she told her sister all her strange adventures. When she finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It was a strange dream, dear, certainly: but now run home to drink tea; it's late.'

So Alice got up and ran away.