Текст книги "Plays for 1, 2 people. Collection №3"

The play «Unexpected call»

Is a lyrical Comedy in two acts for 1 hour and 20 minutes

ACTOR

Andrey – an unkempt man on stage celebrates his 40th birthday alone. In life, he did not achieve any success. He was married twice, both times unsuccessfully, had brief Affairs, but he has been single for three years. No friends, no girlfriends, no kids. At work, he is an ordinary Manager. I have long since grown out of my chair, but no one is in a hurry to raise it. A miserable, dreary existence that doesn't promise anything good to come.

Alyona has been a family man's mistress for several years. Very well-groomed sexy girl. She is 37 years old. She's not too happy. She tries to be always beautiful, charming, a little playful, to catch, excite and excite the emotions of the man who comes to her. But it is not too difficult to do this, first of all, cherishing the family. She understands all this, but she doesn't know what to do with it. I don't want to be alone.

SCENE

The actions take place in parallel in two different apartments, on the same stage, which the viewer sees, but the actors allegedly see.

The apartment of a bachelor loser (a mess, bad taste and apathy to any kind of design steps) and the apartment of a lover – Alyona, the complete opposite. Everything is very neat, clean, well-groomed and tasteful.

ACT ONE

1

A man appears on the stage with a glass of wine, making awkward rushes around his apartment, not from haste, but from idleness, and not understanding where to put himself. He pauses in thought at the window.

Andrey: It comes every time. It's as if he's deliberately tormenting an already wounded heart. After all, he knows that I can't think about anything during this period, except what is tearing me up from the inside. Bitch… female breed, what to say… This cruel, insidious, powerful and invincible night…

(lyrical music sounds, Andrey walks thoughtfully to the edge of the stage and addresses the audience in his reflections).

Andrew: Forty years old. Anniversary. A sea of joy, friends, confessions, congratulations, love, warmth, children's voices, a festive atmosphere in the house and a beloved hugging wife – where is all this?

(Goes back to the window, looks out.)

Andrew: Oh, Oh, look at them, Oh… (throws up his hands). Kiss… hug… love each other. At least they think they do. I used to think so, too. That's the same way I walked along the sidewalk with a girl, I wanted to kiss her and carefully held her under the back (shows how I held her). She was shy, very shy and shy. I still didn't kiss her, I could see that she wanted it too, but she wasn't ready. I didn't want to embarrass myself or her. So it all ended on a breathless basis and unfulfilled dreams.

(Looks the other way, focusing on the other couple still in the window.)

Andrey: Yes, and I was like you too. Young, hot. Oh, Oh, well, these ones are not shy, they kiss, directly frankly, completely giving themselves to each other. I did this too (goes to a table with wine and some snacks, communicates with the audience). Angelica, as now, I remember. At first I thought that she made up the name, but it turned out – no – it was also written in the passport. I still remember her face when she showed me her passport after my week-long attacks on it. I understand, I got it. Of course I did. But I understand that now. And then I only understood when I lost a person. However… what has changed? I am still alone, and now, in my solitude, I am beginning to see more clearly than ever…

(he Fills his glass with wine, returns to the window. Looks in and out of it).

Andrey: Recently, the window is my only outlet in life. Nights are very hard. Because you're alone at night. And then it gets really scary. Because they begin to torment the facts about a poorly lived life, about achievements that do not exist, about love that did not save, about children that were not awarded…(she ruffles her hair.) All this is like a snowball coming to the throat, and there is no escape from it. How many books have been re-read, how many movies have been reviewed. Understanding began to come, but the time was lost.

(Exhales heavily, nods to the reflection in the window and the pathos.)

Andrey: Happy birthday to me, Andrey Petrovich!

(The phone rings in the apartment, which makes Andrey jump slightly, spilling wine on his shirt. The actor shows the audience genuine surprise and confusion, who could it be).

Andrew: Strange? (puts his glass on the table, dusts off his shirt hastily, hurries to the phone, picks up the receiver) Hello?

(A pleasant female voice sounds).

Alena: Hello. Where are you now?

Andrew (surprise): I'm home… Alyona

: And what the hell?

Andrey: What do you mean?

: What do you mean? I've been waiting for you for an hour. I'm sitting here like a fool, and you… you…

(Alyona hangs up. Frequent short beeps are heard. Andrey's face expresses either an interesting confusion, or anger, in a word, confusion with the mimic admixtures of a madman).

Andrey: I even felt like a bastard for a Second (hangs up). What was that all about?

(the Phone rings again, Andrey looks at him sarcastically).

Andrey: To take – not to take?

(picks up the phone).

Alyona: do you Have a conscience at all?

Andrey: well, up to this point, it was assumed that it was available in some quantity (the grin on his face indicates that he understands that the girl has The wrong number).

Alena: How much of it do you have there? Andrey!

(Andrey's grin disappears as soon as he hears his name on the phone, he is alarmed).

Alena: I didn't know if I should wait for you at all or not.

Andrew (in dismay):

Alyona: I wait another ten minutes And then I leave. Forever (hangs up)!

Andrey: a strange citizen. He knows my name. Where is she waiting for me?

(Andrey puts down the phone, walks around the apartment in thought).

Andrey: there would Be a caller ID… I'd like to call you back and clarify. But nothing. And the sad thing is, she'll be gone in ten minutes. Forever! (adds mockingly) from someone… (he pauses.) I wonder from whom? (Goes to the window, looks there, turns to the auditorium). Did she get the wrong number or not? Is this a hoax? If so, then she is a professional actress. What if this isn't a hoax? No, I don't remember agreeing with anyone about something like this. But what if it's fate? What if this is my last chance? (Adds) was.

(Andrey wakes up from talking on the phone. Remembers that the shirt needs to be washed urgently before the stain is thoroughly absorbed, removes it).

Andrey: Will the stranger call again? I'd really like her to call again. Whatever these confusions are, they have a pleasant aroma, a fragrance that I haven't felt for a long time… (leaves the stage).

2

On stage under the sad music comes out of Alan. Enters, drooping, into his apartment, wearily throws his bag, throws off his raincoat. He goes to the bed and falls on it without taking off his shoes, uttering a few tearful exclamations. Andrey in a t-shirt returns from the bathroom to his apartment, putting a basin with a soaked shirt in the viewer's line of sight.

Andrey: But it was my best birthday! It would seem – why? But the answer is simple enough. Emotions. These few calls created a storm of emotions for me, a forty-year-old man, and made it clear that I am still able to live, feel, love, and even foolishly youthful hope for something (addresses the audience). Jesus was right when he said, "Be like children," right. Because it is the child's spontaneity, purity and unambiguity, the truthfulness of its entire essence that breaks all the boundaries of the barricades so carefully erected by adults that do not allow not only to act, but even just to breathe freely! Breathe… how long has it been since I've breathed so freely and easily? I forgot what it's like to breathe. Inhale the scents of happiness in the air… and they say that all this love is an illusion… noooooo, the illusion is just about everything else.

(Andrey takes off his trousers and tries to wash off the wet spot on his shirt. Goes to shower. Alyona rises on the bed in her apartment. He wipes away his tears and takes off his boots. Looks at the hall, thinks. Picks up the phone, not the first time, but still decides to dial the number).

The phone rings in Andrey's apartment.

(Andrey, wiping his head with a towel, runs to the phone).

Alyona (trying not to cry): You didn't come… you didn't come!

(Andrey listens to the long-awaited voice with emotion).

Alyona: Andrey?

Andrey (not knowing how to behave and what to answer): Yes!

Alyona (whispers through tears): You don't love me anymore, do you?

(Andrey rushes, gestures and doesn't know what to say).

Alena: I've been waiting for. The party was so-so. Friends have been asking about you. I said you were busy, that you couldn't come, even though you really wanted to. Andrew?

Andrey: Yes… Alyona

: You're not interested in me anymore?

Andrew (sincerely): You have no idea how interesting I am, I really couldn't make it, but I really wanted to. And it's not even about the party or your friends… I'd really like to spend time with you… just to be with you… talk… to feel you near, to hear and breathe you…

Alyona: is it true, Andrey?

Andrey: It's true.

Alyona: my God, what a fool I am, I've already made up so much for myself. Then I'll call you tomorrow night, okay? Now I'm terribly tired, exhausted, I'll sleep it off. And when I Wake up and do my business, I'll call you, okay? Can you pick up the phone?

Andrew: of course, honey, I'll be waiting.

Alyona: I love you.

Andrey (completely Lost in reality): and I…

Alyona hangs up. The lights go out. End of scene.

3

The stage lights up again and a new day begins. Andrew does the cleaning in his apartment. Alyona is not in her apartment.

Andrew (playfully enthusiastic): She promised to call. Yes , Yes!!! The day passed in some emotional experiences, waiting for the call, but it was worth it (addresses the audience). Who is she? Who's calling? What's going on in her life? There are many questions. What if she happens to come here? No, really, what if? Now I will sort out all the corners, restore an unprecedented order, which this apartment did not remember for three years, since the second wife left.

(Alyona passes through the stage as the buxom Nadia, Andrey's second wife, and disappears into another wing. This happens at the moment when he remembers it aloud. Showing the audience a visual image of the person in question).

Andrey (explaining to the audience): Nadia is my second wife. She was three years older. In General, she is a good woman, but overly demanding. The marriage lasted less than a year. We were not ready to change ourselves and adapt to each other. And ghostly love, which did not have much power, but rather had a symbolic character, also played a role. The feelings, or rather what they were supposed to be, evaporated faster than expected. As a result, during a calm, detailed conversation in the kitchen, a mutual decision was made – to divorce. They left the same day.

(He pauses for a moment while the girl quickly changes into her first wife.)

Andrey: the First marriage lasted longer.

(Alyona enters the stage as her first wife, and also passes from one side of the stage to the other, hiding in the opposite wing).

Andrey: having More or less successfully overcome the dangerous sections of a joint cruise in a year and three years, but the family ship still sank, giving a hole in the reefs, with a mark of five years (he pauses so that the girl disappears, and begins to change into the third image again).

Andrey (again turning to the audience, then to himself): Nothing critical happened, we just got tired of each other, just cooled down, just stopped understanding, or maybe it should have been… (a Small pause). In any case, I didn't miss my first wife for long, but I quickly found solace in Lilia.

(Alyona enters the stage in the form of a Lily and makes her third "circle of honor").

Andrey: Lilia is a girl with whom everything was wonderful. Everything was festive, bright, and emotional. It was like a new day breaking into my gray, languid everyday life, like a fresh breath of wind, breaking its stagnant corridor gloom. I couldn't believe my luck. Lilia was much younger than me, which is especially nice – stupid (with impudence), very naive and trusting. This Union did not promise a long relationship, everything was fine in it until the silhouette of Hope appeared on the horizon, which, after a blinding flash of concentration on a size five breast, became my second wife.

(Andrey hovers a little in his memories, then turns back to the audience).

Andrey: And this unexpected call! Unexpected? Yes, no, on the contrary, very desirable and very expected. I could not allow myself to believe that something of this kind would happen emotionally in my life, but I secretly hoped for it and waited for it very much. And it happened!!! (He gestures with his right hand. Begins to play loud fervent music, Andrew dancing with joy).

Andrew (when the music gets quiet): Just for a little while. Let not seriously, but it happened! (Stops dancing, recovering from joy) Oh, my God… what will I tell her when she calls? If she calls? How should I behave? Can tell the truth that I don't know her, that she got the wrong number. But then she'll just apologize and hang up before I can explain anything. Or maybe he won't even apologize. Then she definitely won't call again. And her voice has become so close to me. I really don't want to lose her. This is, after all, like a small ray of light in my Kingdom of darkness. How I cherish this ray. It turns out… you have to lie, continue to play the role of her Andrew.

(Andrey finishes cleaning, the light in the hall becomes darker, because the evening is coming. Andrey sits down to the phone, next to the clock on which it is marked large for the viewer 18.00).

Andrey: If only she would call, if only she would call.

(Andrey twists the big dial with his hand so that the viewer understands that an hour has passed. 19.00. Sitting, waiting. Twists up for another hour 20.00. He looks at the phone, which is silent. Gets up, walks, sits down, twists at 21.00. Looks at the floor).

Andrey (irritated and sharply): Your mother!!! Well, of course, this Andrey of hers showed up, everything was resolved, they were already crumpling some sofa all over Ivanovskaya, and I was sitting here like a fool at the phone and gnawing at myself with doubts about how to present myself more profitably. Idiot!!! He lived to be forty, and still remained a naive idiot!

(He gets up from his chair and starts throwing everything around the apartment in a fit of anger. At this time, Alena enters her apartment. Undresses. Neatly puts things, takes off his shoes and does household chores, while Andrey is hysterical on the other half of the stage).

Andrey: it is very sad when anger rolls up to the throat, and there is no one to blame for this. (Exasperated on the rise). Humanity has come up with a lot of useful inventions, but no one even raised a finger to invent something that could be broken in such cases. (Shouts). It is very necessary!!! (Andrey grabs the TV remote and throws it out the window. Windows crash to the floor, the remote goes out of sight, as if into the street).

Andrey (having cooled down a little): But no, they did invent it. I felt a little better.

(Looking for a dustpan and broom. Picks up a dustpan and goes to collect glass. Alyona picks up the phone and dials a number. The phone rings in Andrey's apartment).

Andrey (cautiously): Hello?

Alyona: Hello, Andrey…

Andrey: You called, you did call, I'm so glad to hear from you.

Alyona: Well, of course, I promised. Are you comfortable saying it's okay?

Andrew: Are You Kidding? I've been waiting for your call all day. I haven't left my phone for four hours.

Alyona: wow, did you miss me so much?

Andrew: you have no idea how much I missed you.

Alena: So nice (pauses). When will I see you?"

Andrey (confused): Yes… mmm…

Alyona: What is it? Is your wife around?

Andrey (realizing): yeah.

Alyona: well, maybe you can call me back when you Have the opportunity?

Andrew (excitedly): Of course, of course, but… wait! (Nervous, biting her nails). Sorry, your phone number… in General, it turned out that I don't have it. Please say it again, and I'll write it down.

Alyona: Ah, that's it. I wonder why you stopped calling me. I thought I'd fallen out of love, I didn't need it anymore.

Andrey: What are you doing?

Alyona: Well, well, well, of course, anything can happen, I understand. Write three hundred and forty-eight nineteen eleven. (With a sneer) Alyona, there near sign.

Andrey: What, I'm sorry?

Alyona (mockingly affected): Well, I thought you might have forgotten my name, too, or lost it…

Andrey (covering the phone with his hand, turns to the audience): So her name is Alyona. (Takes his hand away from the receiver.) Alyona, my dear, what are you saying, I can't forgive myself for not having your number for so long.

Alyona: I love you, honey.

Andrey: Alyona… Alyona…

Alyona (scared): What?

Andrew (after a pause, thinking of something to say): I've missed you so much.

Alena: I miss you, too. Go ahead, solve the family issue there and wait for your call. Hey, how about today? Let's do it in two hours? (Sexually). I'll get the bathroom, we'll take it together. I will RUB your back, caress your earlobes with my tongue, I will relax you so much from all these problems that have piled up, I know how tense you are forever.

Andrey (shouts, covering the phone with his hand): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

Alyona: (in a tender sexual whisper): I bought such sexy underwear today.

(Andrey twitches his legs in sexual excitement).

Alyona: Do you want to see it?

Andrey (shouting directly into the phone): Yes! (nervously covers the phone with his hand and lets go, not knowing how to act).

Alena: (extremely sexy): And touch?

Andrey (yelling at the top of his voice somewhere in the ceiling): Aaaaaaaaaaa…

Alyona (quite): Do you want… Well, I'll see you in two hours. I went to take a bath…

(Alyona hangs up. Andrew sits neither alive nor dead afraid to move. As soon as the phone rings, he rushes, bent over, to the bathroom).

4

Andrey brings the remote control from the auditorium (as if from the street). Alyona fusses at the bathroom, undresses behind the screen and lies down so that only her legs sticking out of the bathroom can be seen.

Andrey (satisfied): I found it. Wow, no one needed it (rises to the stage). And most importantly – no scratches!!!

(Collects glass from the floor, covers the broken window with a blanket. He hides in the bathroom for a few seconds, then comes out in his underwear. Puts the toothbrush somewhere, takes it out of his mouth, hangs up the towel, goes to bed).

Andrew (imagining): She will understand that if I didn't come and call, then I don't have the opportunity. My wife is there next to me, I couldn't lie, ask for time off, and so on… I think this is not the first such bummer in her practice. But on the other hand… the girl is now lying in the bath, waiting, hoping.

(Alyona is already in the bathroom at this time, the viewer sees her).

Andrey: if only everything could be resolved the way I have been dreaming about it for the second day. Thoughts of an egoist… Admit. This is low. I know the truth, but I don't tell it… afraid of losing? Yes. But this is again selfishness. Again, the meanness. I'm acting like a fifteen-year-old, not a Mature man. I have to tell the truth, even though it hurts me… and it hurts her… i must.

(Gets up, turns on the light, looks at the clock.)

Andrew (tormenting himself): She's waiting.... So all tender… Beautiful female body in a bubble bath.

(Alyona makes sexual gestures with her legs for the audience).

Andrey: I want to be with her right now. Such a nice voice… she must be pretty. Oh, Yes, she's a mistress (turns to the audience) – so she's definitely watching herself. A mistress, by all the laws of logic, should be better than a wife. But this is not my mistress, this is not my wife, this is not my girlfriend… I'm nothing to her. Just random… just random.

(Andrey picks up the phone, reads the recorded number and starts dialing, but quickly throws it off as soon as the beeps start. He puts the phone back down. He sits in silence for a couple of minutes, walks up and down the room, then turns off the light and goes to bed. But after a few seconds, the lamp turns on again. Dials the phone number resolutely and listens to the long beeps).

Alyona (gently): Hello?

(Andrey is disarmed, the belligerent mood is lost).

Alyona: Hello, tell me something?

Andrey (in a parting tone): Alyona…

Alyona: Andrey, dear, where are you?

Andrey: Alyona, listen to me, please.

Alyona (warily): I don't like that note in your voice. Did something happen?

Andrey: Dear, beautiful girl, I can't lie to you, I should have confessed right away, but I was so afraid of losing you…

Alyona: What is it? Did you meet someone else?

Andrey: no, Alyona, I haven't met another girl, I've never met a girl like you…

Alyona (tenderly): Dear… Andrey

: Wait, let me finish, this is important.

Alyona (playing in a ringing voice): You're so funny when you try to look serious.

Andrey: Alyona… lovely, I can't do this. How can I tell the truth and not lose you?

Alyona: And can, Ah its this truth? Who needs it. You and I have our own, don't we?

Andrew: Oh, how right you are. Look at the root.

Alyona: Well, are you coming?

(Andrey wipes his face with his hand, shakes his head).

Andrey: Are you already in the bathroom?

Alyona (sexy): Yeah…

Andrew (soranno): Quite naked…

Alyona (purring): Sovsem..

(Andrew was silent, barely coping with uncontrolled facial expressions, obsesive lips).

Alena: I get so excited when I hear your voice… at least talk to me if you can't get away, I'm on fire…

Andrey (pained): Alyona… honey, what are you doing to me, second underwear of the day, Oh…

Alyona (fervently): This is what you do to me, honey. I'm burning up, I want you so much, tell me something, please…

Andrey (in anguish): Alyona… ahhh…

Alain: Yes...... more

Andrew: Bliiin....

Alain: come on, honey…

Andrew: I-I… I need to get away…

(throws the phone on the floor, runs away, crouching, to the bathroom. Sounds funny musical loss, Andrew comes out of there with an interesting happy face).

Andrey (addressing the audience): it was somehow inconvenient, I left the girl at such a moment. Am I a bastard after that? Not only did I not have the heart to tell the truth, but I also (looks at the bathroom) threw it. No, I don't deserve to be called a moron.

(The phone receiver is lying on the floor at random, and Andrey picks it up to put it back.)

Andrey (not too loudly): Alyona: it's nice to

hear that.

Andrey (confused): I Don't understand, are you here, or what else?

Alyona: And where should I hurry? Waiting for you.

Andrey: I'm waiting, I mean… here or there, or…

Alena:

Andrey: Alyona, I have to tell you, this is not right.

Alyona: Well, what is it?

Andrey: Alyona, you are very dear to me, at least you have become so in these days. I am very pleased to communicate with you, I would have rushed to you at least to the end of the world long ago, if not for one but…

Alyona: So what's the problem?

Andrey: I'm not the Andrew you're calling. I mean, I'm calling… pfft… it doesn't matter, it's important that I …

Alyona (playing with her voice): What are you up to, prankster? Do you want role-playing games?

Andrey: With you… I want everything, Alyona, but I'm not the Andrey you think I am. You got the wrong number a couple of days ago. It was my birthday, I heard a call, picked up the phone, and when I heard your voice, I was confused. Then you called me by my first name, and I was completely taken aback. This is strange, but I, like your man, am also called Andrey, and, apparently, my voice is also similar.

(The girl is silent.)

Andrey: Alyona, are you here?

Alyona: Then how do you know my name and my phone number?

Andrey: You gave it to me yourself, and you said the name as a joke, but the joke went on too long.

Alyona: Ah… well, Yes, exactly. So you're not Andrey?

Andrey: I'm Andrey, but…

Alyona: Well, Yes, I understand…

(both are silent thoughtfully).

Alena (quickly): Well, bye, then.

(Alyona turns off the phone, Andrey grabs his hair).

Andrey: Alyona was right, nobody needs the truth… I have robbed both her and myself of pleasure. Still, I had to do it. She won't call again. But I had probably the best two days of my life. Thanks for that, too.

(Lights go out, end of scene).

5

Andrew (enters his apartment): Three days have passed since our last conversation. My heart is heavy again. During the day, work distracts, and in the evening, as usual, night descends and mercilessly envelops its melancholy and sadness…

(goes to the phone, nods thoughtfully, crumples up, throws out the recorded phone number of Alyona. But after a few seconds, he takes the sheet out of the trash, smooths it out, and puts it back. Lies down on the bed).

Andrey: Going to bed during these four days, I experienced strange sensations. The place of emotional experiences was taken by regularity, a pleasant weight, consciously placed on the shoulders. Sedateness, reasonableness, dreams… I have dreamed before, but these dreams are very different from the ones I have known before. Dreams have taken shape, gained strength, but they do not cause a thirst for a speedy realization of the desire. I've never experienced anything like this before. Of course, I dream of meeting Alyona. And these thoughts give the feeling of being enveloped by love itself, as if clouds of the most delicate cotton wool touch the body (hugs himself with his hands). It's nice to know that this form of tenderness generally takes place in nature. A whole range of various subtle feelings… very pleasant feelings… different, but converging in unity.

(Andrey sits down on the bed).

Andrey: I do not know what it is, but whatever it is… I do not want these innovations to leave me.

(Alyona enters her apartment and begins to do household chores. Watering flowers, dusting, etc… Andrey picks up the phone and looks at it for a long time in thought. Takes the cherished fifty grams and, emboldened, dials the cherished number. But as soon as the first ring sounds, he immediately hangs up, and automatically runs back to the window. Alyona doesn't have time to pick up the phone. After a little thought, she dials the number herself).

Andrey (genuinely surprised): Oh, is the window broken? I'd forgotten all about it. We should fix it… (he jerks back as the phone rings.)

Andrey (in a whisper): Hello?

Alyona: Andrey, is that You?

Andrey: Yes, Hello, Alyona.

Alena: Well, it's the Andrew, which is not the same, right?

Andrew (hesitating): It's not me, all right… well, I mean, Andrew, who isn't Andrew. Another Andrew, not Yours. Nobody's, in General…

Alyona (embarrassed): Nobody's?

Andrey: Well, Yes… it just happened.

Alyona: did You call me just now, Andrey?

Andrew: Ya.

Alyona: why did you Hang up?

Andrew: Ya… I missed You, Alyona. You have become no stranger to me.

Alyona (embarrassed): Why don't we switch to "you", because there was something between us?

Andrey: Oh, Yes, there was something else…

(Alyona giggles into the phone).

Andrew: Andrew, the original showed up?

Alena (sad): No, he disappeared, as it turned out, a long time ago. I thought he was you.

Andrew: I'm Sorry.

Alyona: No, it's all right. I'm glad it turned out that way. If it had been different, it would have been much harder for me. And so somehow it turned out smoothly, or something… deferred, so to speak.