Текст книги "Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни"

Т

take off (took, taken) снимать (одежду), взлетать (о самолете)

talk n разговор

talk v говорить

tall высокий

tank бак

tap похлопать (по плечу)

taste n вкус

taste v пробовать, ощущать на вкус; иметь вкус

tavern таверна, ресторан

tear слеза

tease дразнить

tee off делать первый удар

temperature температура

tend иметь склонность, стремление, настроение

tent палатка

terrible ужасный

terrify ужасать

terrified испуганный

test n анализ

test v анализировать

tetanus столбняк

Thanksgiving Day День Благодарения

thigh бедро

thing вещь

thirsty испытывающий жажду

thoughtful вдумчивый, полный размышлений

thrill доставлять сильное удовольствие, сильно и остро возбуждать

throat горло

throw

(threw, thrown) бросать

thrust пихать, совать

thumb большой палец руки

tick зоол. клещ

ticket билет

tight тесный

tiny маленький

tiptoe от tip (кончик) и toe (палец ноги) идти на цыпочках

tired усталый

toast тост

toe палец ноги

together вместе

toil n труд

toil v трудиться

tone тон

top верх; верхний

toss пихать, совать

total полный; полностью

totally полностью

touch трогать (тж. перен.)

tourniquet хирург. закрутка; жгут, наложенный на артерию при кровотечении

track наводить кого-л. на след

traffic дорожное движение

trailer прицеп

trainee ученик

tramp бродяга

trample тяжело ступать, топать

transmission трансмиссия

trap n ловушка

trap v ловить, выслеживать

trash мусор, отходы

tread топтать

treat обходиться (с кем-л.)

tremendous громадный

trick n обман, фокус

trick v обманывать

trip поездка, путешествие

trough кормушка

trot идти рысью

trouble n беспокойство, неприятность

trouble v беспокоить

truck грузовик

true правильный, истинный

trumpet муз. труба, горн

trumpeting трубящий

truth правда

try пытаться

turkey индейка

turn n поворот

turn v поворачиваться; становиться

tutor преподаватель, настав ник

twice дважды

twins близнецы

twist скручивать

twosome гольф партия для двоих

two-tone двухцветный

type n тип, вид

type v печатать (на компьютере)

typhoid тиф

U

ultimate конечный, главный

umpire арбитр

unable неспособный

unbalanced несбалансированный

unborn нерожденный

unbutton расстегивать

unceasing непрекращающийся

uncertain неопределенный

unclean нечистый

unconscious бессознательный

understand (understood, understood) понимать

undertake (undertook, undertaken) предпринимать

underwear нижнее белье

undo (undid, undone) уничтожать сделанное

undoubtedly без сомнения

undress раздеваться

unexpected неожиданный

unfaithful неверный

unfamiliar незнакомый

unfeeling бесчувственный

unfinished неоконченный

uniform униформа

unlimited неограниченный

unload разгружать

unmask снять маску

unpleasant неприятный

unselfish бескорыстный, неэгоистичный

unselfishness бескорыстие

unstable нестабильный

unsteady неустойчивый

unusual необычный

upcoming приближающийся

upset грустный, опечаленный

upstairs вверху; вверх по лестнице; на верхнем этаже

urban городской

urinate мед. мочиться

usage использование

use n использование; польза

use v использовать

usual обычный

usually обычно

utter произносить

U-turn поворот на 180 градусов

V

vacation отпуск

value ценность

vaseline вазелин

vegetables овощи

vehement неистовый, пылкий

vendor продавец

very очень

vessel судно

vet сокр. veterinary ветеринарный врач

view вид, обзор

village деревня, село

vindicate оправдывать (в суде)

vinegar уксус

violent свирепый, жестокий

violin скрипка

visitor посетитель, гость

visual визуальный

vivacious живой, веселый

volume объем

volunteer вызваться первым что-л. сделать

W

wadded up сленг свернутый в трубку

waist поясница, талия

wait ждать

waiter официант

wake (woke/waked, woken/waked) просыпаться

walk n прогулка пешком

walk v идти, передвигаться пешком

want хотеть

ward палата (в больнице)

warm теплый

warm up подогревать

warning предупреждение

wash n стирка

wash v мыть, стирать

Washington D.C. адрес почтового округа «Вашингтон, округ Колумбия»

waste тратить попусту

water зд. слезиться

water cooler аппарат для охлаждения воды

wave n волна

wave v махать рукой

way путь; способ

weak слабый

wealth богатство, состояние

wear (wore, worn) носить (одежду)

wedding свадьба

weigh весить

weight вес

weird дикий, странный, страшный

welcome добро пожаловать; желаемый, желанный (где-л.)

wet мокрый, сырой

whack разг. сильно ударять

whack! бац!

whatever что бы то ни было; что же

wheel колесо; зд. рулевое коле со, баранка

whilst = while в то время как

whim прихоть, каприз

whine скулить, хныкать

whisper шептать

whole целый

whore груб. проститутка

widely широко

widow вдова

wife жена

wiggle сленг вилять

wild дикий, свирепый

wilted увядший

win (won, won) выигрывать, побеждать

wind ветер

window окно

wing крыло

wipe вытирать

wish n желание

wish v желать

within внутри

wizard волшебник, чародей

woman  (pl women) женщина

wonder n чудо

wonder v интересоваться, удивляться

wonderful чудесный

wood лес

work n работа

work v работать

working рабочий, работающий

world мир

worried обеспокоенный

worry беспокоиться

worship боготворить

worth стоимость

worthless ничего не стоящий

wrap up разг. завершать, сворачивать

wreck авария

wrestle бороться, заниматься борьбой

wrong неправильный, плохой; неправильно, плохо

wrongs недостатки, неудобства, дефекты

X

x-rays рентген

Y

yeah разг. yes да

yearly ежегодный; ежегодно

yell вопить, орать

yep разг. yes

young молодой

Yuppette сленг yuppie (a young urban professional) молодой

Z

zoo зоопарк

zero ноль, низшая оценка

Keys

Section 1:

2. 1. A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced.

2. He was hoping he could get a special rooster.

3. Before setting him loose, he gave him a little talk.

4. He mounted all the horses at the same frantic pace.

5. In the pighouse he did the same.

6. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back.

7. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

8. The buzzard's getting closer.

3. True: 2, 3, 7. False: 1, 4, 5, 6.

4. 1-Е, 2-B, 3-D, 4-F, 5-C, 6-G, 7-A, 8–1, 9-K, 10-J, 11-H.

5. 1. He went to the market looking for a rooster.

2. I have just the rooster for you.

3. I'm counting on you to do your stuff.

4. And without a word Randy strutted into the henhouse.

5. There was much squawking and many feathers flying.

6. Randy had finished having his way with each hen.

7. The farmer was watching all of this with disbelief.

8. Oh you poor thing, you've killed yourself. I warned you.

6. 1. A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.

2. He wanted to find a very good rooster to service all his hens, and when he told this to the market vendor, the man answered: «I've just the rooster for you.»

3. «Randy here is the greatest rooster you might have ever seen!»

7. So the farmer took Randy back to the farm.

Section 2:

2. 1. He waited to see what would happen.

2. The burglar heard nothing and resumed his search.

3. This was puzzling to the burglar and he was about equally curious and scared.

4. He began working his way toward the voice.

5. This scared the hell out of the burglar.

6. He felt around and found a switch and turned it on.

7. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.»

3. 1-C, 2-A, 3-Е, 4-B, 5-F, 6-D.

4. 1-C, 2–1, 3-G, 4-J, 5-D, 6-H, 7-A, 8-K, 9-E, 10-L, 11-F, 12-М, 13-В, 14-0, 15-R, 16-S, 17-P, 18-T, 19-Q, 20-U, 21-N.

5. 1. A burglar had broken into a house late at night, in total

darkness.

2. He stopped and listened for a while and heard nothing.

3. He began to look for the room with all the «goodies».

4. He could faintly understand the words.

5. This made the burglar just freeze.

6. The burglar resumed his search.

7. The burglar was equally curious and scared.

6. burglars

hells

journeys

birds

houses

minutes

rooms

cages

nights

noises

times

parrots

ways

lights

searches

bags

voices

switches

puzzles

tables

Section 3:

2. 1. How can he be dead?

2. «Isn't there some other test you can run?»

3. The vet leaves and returns with a case, and a large cat emerges.

4. The cat sniffs around the dog's head.

5. After a minute or two the cat returns.

6. I guess you're right.

7. At least I did my best.

8. How much do I owe you?

9. All you did was perform a cat scan.

3. True: 3, 5. False: 1, 2, 4, 6, 7.

4. 1-C, 2-H, 3-D, 4–1, 5-B, 6-F, 7-J, 8-G, 9-A, 10-E, 11-P, 12-Q, 13-M, 14-0, 15-R, 16-K, 17-N, 18-L.

5. 1. Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my dog.

2. He hasn't moved all day.

3. The vet examined the dog.

4. Are you sure it's dead?

5. Isn't there some other test you can run?

6. He opened the case and a large cat emerged.

7. The cat sniffed around the dog's head.

8. What did you do that costs $230?

6. 1. rooster,

2. feathers,

3. curious,

4. motionless,

5. switch,

6. freeze,

7. service,

8. furious,

9. resume,

10. emerge.

7. 1.The woman visits the vet every other day.

2. The dog has not moved since yesterday.

3. The vet is examining the dog at the moment.

4. Is my dog dead?

5. What test are you running now?

6. «I am leaving at the moment, and will return in a minute,» said the vet.

7. "What are you carrying in this case?" asked the woman. 8. I open this case every morning. 9.Have you ever seen such a cat before?

10. No, I have never seen such a cat in all my life.

11. What is he sniffing around at present?

12. Why is he circling my dog?

13. How much do I owe you?

8. 1. Does the woman go to the vet?

2. Is there anything wrong with my dog?

3. Has he moved all day?

4. Are you afraid my dog is dead?

5. Does the vet leave and return in a moment?

6. Does he open the case?

7. Is a large cat emerging?

8. Is the cat plodding over to the dog?

9. 1. Who hasn't moved all day?

What hasn't the dog done all day?

How long hasn't the dog moved?

2. Who leaves and returns in a moment?

What does the vet do?

When does the vet leave and return?

3. Who returns to its cage after a minute or two?

What does the cat do after a minute or two?

Where does the cat return after a minute or two? When does the cat return to its cage?

Section 4:

2. 1. The audience would be different each week.

2. The magician allowed himself to do the same tricks.

3. Once the parrot understood he started shouting.

4. Look, he is hiding the flowers.

5. The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.

6. One day the ship had an accident and sank.

7. They stared at each other with hate.

3. 1-B, 2-F, 3-D, 4-C, 5-E, 6-A.

4. 1-D, 2-H, 3-Е, 4-C, 5–1, 6-G, 7-A, 8-F, 9-B.

5. 1. There was only one problem.

2. The parrot began to understand how the magician did his tricks.

3. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show.

4. Look, he is hiding the flowers in the hat.

5. The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.

6. After all, it was the captain's parrot.

7. This went on for a day, and another and another.

6. 1. When the magician worked on a cruise ship he allowed himself to do one and the same trick over and over again.

2. The magician was hiding the flowers under the table while he was doing his tricks.

3. There was only one problem yesterday.

4. There were three problems yesterday.

5. As soon as the captain had seen the show he started shouting at the magician.

6. He was shouting all day long.

7. After the ship had sunk the magician found himself on a log of wood.

8. When a week had passed, the parrot said that he was giving up.

7. 1. Who was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean?

What was the magician doing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean?

Where was the magician working?

2. Who began to understand how the magician did every trick?

What did the captain's parrot begin to understand?

Whose parrot began to understand how the magician did every trick?

3. Who started shouting in the middle of the show?

What did he start doing in the middle of the show?

When did he start shouting?

4. Who is hiding the flowers under the table?

What is he hiding under the table?

Where is he hiding the flowers?

5. Who found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot?

Where did the magician find himself with the parrot?

Where was the piece of wood the magician found himself on? Who did the magician find himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with?

Section 5:

2. 1. That's terrible!

2. I have a solution to your problem.

3. Bring your parrots over to my house.

4. I have taught my parrots to pray and read the Bible.

5. The lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

6. The male parrots are holding rosary beads.

7. «Do you want to have some fun?»

8. One male parrot looks over to the other and says, «Put the Bible away.»

3. True: 3, 5, 7. False: 1, 2, 4, 6.

4. 1-Е, 2-C, 3-H, 4-D, 5-B, 6-G, 7-A, 8-F.

5. 1. One lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have

a problem."

2. They only know how to say «Hi!»

3. «That's terrible!» the priest exclaimed.

4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying those terrible things.

5. Put the Bible away.

6. Our prayer has been answered.

6. 1. The lady will visit the priest next Tuesday.

2. These parrots will never say such things again.

3. The priest's two male talking parrots will be praying and reading the Bible from six till seven tomorrow.

4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.

5. They will have taught them to pray and worship by next Sunday.

6. «I will solve your problem,» the priest said, «if you bring your parrots over to my house.»

7. Tell me, when you will bring your parrots.

7. 1. Who will buy these two talking female parrots?

What will I do? What will I buy?

What parrots will I buy?

2. Who will have a solution to your problem?

What will I have?

Whose problem will I have a solution to?

3. Who will put them with my two male talking parrots?

What will I do?

Who will I put them with?

4. Who will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase?

Whose parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase?

What will my parrots do?

What will my parrots teach your parrots?

What phrase will my parrots teach your parrots to stop saying?

5. Who will learn to pray and worship?

Whose parrots will learn to pray and worship?

What will your female parrots do?

What will your female parrots learn to do?

8. 1. One lady approaches a priest.

2. Father, I have a problem.

3. I have these two talking female parrots.

4. "What do they say?' the priest asked.

5. Do you want to have some fun?

6. I have a solution to your problem.

7. Thank you, Father!

8. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads.

Section 6:

2. 1. There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.

2. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population.

3. Young George was pretty excited.

4. George, relax.

5. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough.

6. Feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up.

7. Now, George, here is how this is gonna work.

8. One more important thing to remember.

9. He remembers Sam's instructions about being polite.

3. 1-A, 2-C, 3-F, 4-B, 5-E, 6-D.

4. 1-D, 2-F, 3-C, 4-H, 5-G, 6-A, 7–1, 8-J, 9-B, 10-Е.

5. 1. Young George was pretty excited.

2. Feeding time came.

3. Sam had a few more instructions.

4. Here is how this is gonna work.

5. We'll meet in the middle.

6. Hang on, George! One more important thing to remember.

7. Show them some respect and be polite.

6. 1. How many bulls were there on the farm?

2. It was that time of year when bulls were pretty excited.

3. It was the heifers that were lined up at the feed trough.

4. There was a bull and some heifers there.

5. There is one more important thing to remember.

6. It was spring and the bulls were pretty excited.

7. It was George who well remembered Sam's instructions about being polite.

7. 1. Two bulls wanted to satisfy all the local female population last year.

2. Sam went down to those heifers over there yesterday.

3. We will wait until they're lined up at the feed trough.

4. We will have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion in five minutes.

5. Feeding time has just come. Line up!

6. Sam started at one end, and George started at the other.

7. We will meet very soon. You'll have to wait a little.

8. Are you showing respect to these ladies?

8. 1. population,

2. trough,

3. satisfy,

4. relax,

5. feeding,

6. respect,

7. female,

8. exclaim,

9. allow,

10. pray.

Section 7:

2. 1. A farmer got a good deal on a dozen pigs.

2. When he got them home he realized they were all females.

3. He wanted to bring his girl pigs over to the neighbor's boy pigs so they could get some baby pigs.

4. The farmer loaded the girl pigs in his truck.

5. That night he went back to pick them up.

6. They would start acting real different.

7. Next morning he went and checked his pigs.

3. true: 2, 5. false: 1, 3, 4, 6.

4. 1-a, 2-c, 3-j, 4-e, 5–1, 6-d, 7-k, 8-l, 9-f, 10-h, 11-g, 12-b.

5. 1. He talked to his neighbor to see if he could bring his pigs over to his place.

2. The neighbor agreed and so the farmer loaded the pigs in the truck.

3. The same night he went back to pick them up.

4. How will I know if they are going to have little pigs?

5. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting different.

6. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn.

6. 1. What you say about your boy pigs sounds really good.

2. The neighbor happily agreed and so the farmer quickly loaded his pigs in the truck.

3. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting different.

4. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn rather loudly.

5. The farmer could hardly get his girl pigs home – so happy they were.

7. 1. Who got a good deal on a dozen pigs at an auction?

What did the farmer get at an auction?

How many pigs did the farmer get a good deal on at an auction?

Where did the farmer get a good deal on a dozen pigs?

2. Who loaded the girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs?

What did the farmer do?

Who did the farmer load in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs?

Where did the farmer load the girl pigs to visit the neighbor's pigs?

Who did the farmer visit?

3. Who said that they would start acting real different?

What would they start doing?

How would they start acting?

Who would start acting real different?

4. When did he go to check his pigs?

Who went to check his pigs the next morning?

Who did he go to check the next morning?

When did he go to check his pigs?

5. Who was sitting at the table the next morning?

Where was he sitting the next morning?

When was he sitting at the table?

Section 8:

2. 1. A young couple were on their honeymoon.

2. How can I tell my wife that my socks absolutely stink?

3. I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating.

4. I've been very lucky to keep it from him.

5. He's bound to find out.

6. How do I tell him gently?

7. Darling, I've a confession to make.

8. So have I, love.

3. 1-D, 2-A, 3-C, 4-B, 5-F, 6-E.

4. 1-f, 2–1, 3-d, 4-k, 5-e, 6-c, 7-l, 8-n, 9-m, 10-a, 11-g, 12-J, 13-B, 14-H.

5. 1. Sooner or later she's bound to find it out.

2. Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed.

3. I've been lucky to do it while we were courting.

4. How do I tell him gently?

5. The husband finally plucks up courage.

6. He climbs over to his wife and puts his arm around her neck and says.

7. So have I, my love.

6. 1. The husband, as well as his wife, was in the hotel.

2. It was the young couple who rented the apartment.

3. Both the husband and the wife were bound to find it out.

4. Everyone in the house knows that they have left.

5. Both were afraid to confess their secrets to each other.

6. A pair of his socks was lying on the table.

7. Neither my wife nor her relatives know that my feet stink.

8. The number of married couples in our hotel is growing.

9. Honeymoon Jokes is the most funny section of the book.

7. 1. I've got really smelly feet. They've got too.

2. My socks absolutely stink. Mine also do.

3. I didn't manage to keep it from her. We didn't either.

4. We weren't dating. Neither were they.

5. I've been very lucky to keep it from him. So has she.

6. The husband has finally plucked up his courage. So have I.

7. He hadn't walked into the bedroom. She hadn't either.

8. He won't walk over to the bed. Neither will I.

9. He didn't put his arm around her neck. I didn't either.

10. He moves his face very close to hers. I do too.

11. I've a confession to make. So has she.

8. 1. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub.

2. I've got really smelly feet and my socks absolutely stink.

3. I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating.

4. The wife was sitting in the bed.

5. How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath?

6. The husband plucks up enough courage.

7. He walks into the bedroom.

8. He puts his arm around her neck.